our troubled love ᵒˡᵈ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

+~fourteen~+

+~Jonathan~+

    "Aiden."

    I stopped at the sound of my daughter's voice. I turned but no one was there.

    "I know I shouldn't be calling you right now."

    It was coming from the guest room to my right. I pressed my ear to the door in attempts to listen to what she was saying.

    "But I just... I miss you so much. Damn it Aiden, why did I have to get so attached to you? Why did-" She discontinued her sentence.

    "I'm sorry for raising my voice... Anyways, I'm just leaving a voicemail to say I hope you're doing well."

    She paused.

    "Actually... Who am I kidding?" She scoffed. "I'm leaving this voicemail because I'm going insane. I'm going insane and I have no one to talk to who will listen to what I have to say. I feel so alone here, like everyone is against me and I have no one to come back to for support."

    I was hit with a sudden pang of guilt. My daughter felt alone and it was my fault.

    Cut the nonsense, Jonathan, I thought to myself. It didn't matter. This deal with Mrs. Breslin was an opportunity I'd always wanted. It wouldn't hurt Jianna to marry a rich, respectable man. If anything, she was being selfish. I gave her the chance to marry a man that could give her anything she pleased, and help her father's business along with it. However, she decided to not only disobey me, but also went ahead and made me look bad in front of Mr. and Mrs. Breslin.

    She was stubborn, just like her mother.

    Her mother. My first love. Delilah.

    Suddenly memories began to reappear. Memories of the nights we'd tuck in our little daughter before bed. Memories of the days we'd watch her play in the park and realize just how happy we were. Even with our small house and menial jobs. We were happy.

    Have I failed our daughter? Would Delilah disappointed in me?

    If it weren't for Delilah, I would have started my business and become the wealthy man I was much sooner. Would I have been happy even then?

    I could now admit that I'd convinced myself to resent Delilah in order to cope with the pain. I thought that not loving her would stop me from missing her.

    Oh, what a fool I was.

    I had let my life be consumed by cutthroat competition and money. I'd let everyone I loved down just to satisfy my craving for unnecessary materialistic things that society said I should have.

    I knew what it was like to love someone, and how it was to lose them. Jianna was no stranger to this either. Yet I still put her through it again, taking away the person who was there for her when I wasn't.

    "And I did something..." Jianna started, her tone heavy with guilt. "I thought it would help... I kissed Anthony. But it felt wrong. It felt so wrong. I miss you Aiden."

    Now that I was taking the time to listen to her, I could hear the pain in her voice.

I'm so sorry.

    But it's too late to go back now.

•••

    I couldn't sleep that night. I stared at the ceiling above me, questioning everything.

    "Can't sleep?" Marlene asked softly. She turned to face me, being careful not to wake our son who was sleeping between us.

    "I just have a lot on my mind."

    "What are you thinking about?"

    I held back for a moment, hesitant to admit I felt guilty. But she was my wife after all; I didn't want to keep this from her.

    "I just... feel bad for Jianna."

    Marlene sat up quickly, her sweet expression changing. "You feel bad for her?" She scoffed. "After all you've put her through, now you feel bad for her?"

    I sat up to meet her level. "Yes. Don't you think it would be worse not to care?"

    "Well if you feel so bad for her why won't you call off the wedding?"

    I shook my head. "Too much has been put into this deal to go back on it now."

    She gaped at me incredulously. "I can't believe you right now. That's your daughter, Jon!"

    "That's my daughter," I said sternly. "But this is my business. And I'm not going to risk losing it just so my daughter can go live her mediocre life."

    Marlene stared at me with wide eyes. "How could you say that? How could you care more about your job than your family?"

    "Don't you say that! If it weren't for me, you'd still be living with your aunt in that battered up apartment!" I unintentionally raised my voice, causing Marlene to jump back in surprise. "Because I work, you get to stay home all day, not having to lift a damn finger!"

    A cry sounded between us, and I looked down to see that Finley was now awake and watching us argue. My heart dropped.

    "Why is daddy yelling?" he wept.

    Marlene cradled him in her arms, tears of her own building up in her eyes. "It's okay, baby. Daddy just has a lesson to learn." She got up from the bed, carrying Finley with her.

    "Where are you going?" I asked, standing up to follow her. Finley continued to sob into her shoulder, looking at me with disappointment in his eyes.

    She put her hand on my chest to stop me. "I'm going to the guest room. Go ahead and give me a call when you've learned to value your family a little more."

    And with that they were gone.

    Though the room was now quiet, all sorts of thoughts screamed in my head.

    I had let my pride control me once again. And now I had to fix what I'd done.