our troubled love ᵒˡᵈ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

+~ten~+

I sat on Aiden's bed, chewing on my lip apprehensively. He sat next to me silently. Our quiet breaths were the only sounds in the air. There was an uncomfortable tension that made it feel as though we were rubber bands stretched to our limits, just waiting to snap. Every once in awhile I would notice I was unconsciously holding my breath and gave myself a moment to exhale. Even time seemed to be passing slowly. Too slowly. The feeling of unease was unbearable. I thought that if I waited one more second, my heart would just stop. But the thing was... I didn't even know what I was waiting for. I just sat there, waiting for something to happen.

When I left the dining room after snapping back at Mrs. Breslin, I went upstairs and sat in Aiden's room for what felt like an eternity, every part of my body giving in to the apprehension I felt, making me feel dizzy. Aiden came upstairs not too long after (fortunately, Ms. Miller escorted him, so he didn't get lost), and I asked him how things went down there after I left. He gave me a short, quiet response, saying that my dad apologized to the guests for my behavior and tried to continue dinner normally.

Now, Aiden sat next to me, his head drooping down as if he was a child who had just been scolded. Once again, he was biting his lip, probably to keep all his thoughts from spilling out his mouth. I glanced at him a few times, wondering if I should start a conversation. It took me a few times to convince myself to do it.

"So..." I started, trying to sound casual. "About today... earlier today, I mean."

Aiden seemed to snap out of whatever state he was in and put on a blank expression, though I could still see in his eyes how difficult it was to contain whatever was on his mind. He shrugged my question off, dismissing it without saying a word.

"Aiden," I continued. "I know what I said today might have... freaked you out."

He bit his lip, his blank expression now replaced with a somber look. This was far from the adorable, childish smile he usually wore. "Jia, it's not--"

"Listen," I interrupted. "You don't have to explain yourself. I know that it was too soon to say something like that, and I really should've thought about it before saying anything. And if you don't feel the same way, I understand."

He sighed and licked his lips, drawing his brows together as if in deep thought. After a moment, he spoke. "It's not that I don't love you, Jia. Trust me, you mean so much to me." He paused, taking another few seconds to find the right words. "I just... don't know if I love you. It's not your fault. The thing is that I don't know what love is or what it feels like, because as you know, I didn't get a lot of love growing up. And I don't want to say I love you without knowing that what I feel for you is love. That feels like giving you false hope..."

I stared down at the ground, listening silently. His words extinguished the fire of worry in my heart. It gave me some peace of mind to at least know that he did care about me, just didn't know if it was love. I was okay with that.

"But I promise I'll figure it out eventually," he reassured. "Just give me some time."

I took a breath of relief, glad that we had finally talked about it, which made everything feel much better. "So... are we good now?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry, I was getting tired of the awkwardness too," he chuckled shyly. I shifted closer to him and put my head on his shoulder. With a sigh, he took my hand into his own and held it to his lips, placing a soft kiss onto it.

I knew I loved him. And if he needed time to decide if he loved me too, I would wait, even if it took a million years.

Our moment was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. I looked at Aiden, who had turned his head towards the sound in surprise. I got up from the bed and reached for the door, preparing myself for what was to come. To my surprise, the person standing on the other side of the door wasn't who I'd expected.