"Katerina" "Kath" "Katerina" "Save me" "Hold my hand" "Katerina Please" she wakes up suddenly from a dream, she looks around and all she sees is darkness, than a little girl getting closer to her with a bright light shinning from her, She knows her, she always knew her, she was her, the old her, the sweet perfect her, the happy girl she used ot be.
"Why are you doing so? why katerina? you're hurting me! you're hurting yourself, everybody that you know, eveyrbody that cares for you! " said the little her
"laughing out laud, do you realy think they still care? hein? they don't! they never did, nobody ever did, they were just pretending, they never understood me and they never wanted to do, they were just waiting for the right moment to leave, they're all the same, they said i made it! they said it never existed, they said i look okey, but they don't get it! depression is mental!" she answered
"i know it's hard katerina but..." innocent her said
" you think you know? you think it's hard? it's a nightmare!!! i have no control of what's going on, there is no way out and it feels like no one cares. No matter what i do i'm never good enough. i'll always be useless, not good enough, worthless, and hopeless, I'm scared and lonely all the time, no matter what i'm doing or who i'm with the feelings are always there, it feels like an endless circle of guilt, worthlessness, pain, fear, and weakness. It feels like there is no point in trying anymore, it's an endless circle of failure, i feel empty, like i'm not realy existing, i'm breathing but that doesn't mean i am alive, it's when it hurts to smile, hurts to laugh, hurts to breath, everything you do hurts!! and there is no gettign away from it, No one understands what i'm feeling, i'm silent, but in reality i'm screaming for help and no one can save me, i'm on my own for now on, everything i do leaves me tired, things i used to enjoy?? they bring no cofort to me anymore, the only thing that might bring relief is the feeling of the cold blade, ! no body understands what it's like to live with depression it's hoping that everynight i don't wake up, that maybe the pain will finally stop eventhough i know it won't it's always lying when someone asks me how am doing it's always feeling tired, even if i sleep for ten hours, it's feeling so week , it's crying everyday holding the blade , it's crying over memories, it's all because i thought i was IRREPLACEABLE, i thought they'll never leave me, i thought they got it, i thought he was true with me, i thought he was real, i thought he loved me, i believed him, i trusted him,but he didn't... maybe he liked me, maybe he wanted me, maybe he felt like he has to get me, but he didnt love me, cause we don't break people we love, and he did, i gave him the love i saved for my self, but he gave his everything to an other he broke me , he changed me, now he left, bffs? they all left me cuz of being depressed, they could've been there and save me from what i was through, but they left me to get more deep into this, i thought they ment every single thing they said but these were only pretty words, it hurts, no wait it doesnt hurt, it kills! ,only i know how my depression feels like ! only i know how horrible it is, it feels like it'll never end" she replayed crying the life out of her
" i don't want to be this, i'll get into this, how did you? how could you? it's far from my reality! that's not me, u're not me katerina you're not, you lost me, you didn't keep me, i'm still inside of you kath wake up, please wake up, save me, i know it's hard but you can do it, all you need is a little help, wake up please" she heared the onld her saying while she got away from her.
"Katerine, sweetheart time for school wake up" she woke up on her mum shouting so.
-While she gets out of her bed and gets her self ready she kept thinking of that dream, "she was right, i am not the girl i used to be, i lost my self between my problems and i've let a demon take its place, but it doesn't matter anymore, there's no reason to have it again, nothing will be fixed nothing will change nothing will be alright again, it's all too late..." she mumbels
