Smile and put on a happy face

The man who laughs

My name is Arthur, not sure if I already mentioned that. But throughout the day I get called many different names and in the end I don't even know who I am anymore. To mom I am "Happy", to my fellow clowns at Ha Ha I'm Arthur or "Art". To everyone else I'm "freak", "idiot", "douche" and all its derivatives.
And well, there's also the stage name that I have yet to find for when I become a famous comedian. I'm still thinking of an appropriate one...

After the incident the other day Hoyt, our boss, took me off the music shop. Apparently the owner complained about the broken sign. After taking a hundred dollars from my paycheck for that, I was assigned to a new work place. It's a shoe store that, just like the music shop, needs to liquidate all its inventory before going out of business. Everybody is broke these days...

- If you break or lose or steal another sign, I will have to fire you, Arthur.- warns the boss before heading out.

- But, Sir, I already told you I was jumped.

- Why the fuck would someone want a clown's sign?? It makes no sense!

- I don't know either...but that's what happened.

- Whatever, I don't want any more complaints from our clients. Now move your ass and get to work!

The morning passes calmly. I hold a sign, twist and turn it, I dance and wave to the people that walk by. Many approach the store and I see them coming out with bags and boxes of shoes. Sometimes small children greet me. I like them. They're the only ones to whom we clowns are worthy of admiration.

I normally work until 5:00 in the afternoon. But it's only 2:00 o'clock and there's nothing more to sell. The owner of the shop approaches me.

- You're a nice guy...you helped me sell it all in just one day!

Nice? Nobody has ever referred to me in those terms.

- What's your name?

- Arthur.

- Arthur! Here, have a tip. Eat something and go home early. There's nothing more to do here.

Wow, it's the first time I get a tip. I'll buy a piece of cake for mom! Seems like today will be a good day after all.

I'm very hungry, so I decide to eat something before I go home. I walk to a nearby store and buy a small sandwich. The cashier looks at me awkwardly. I imagine he doesn't see clowns shopping at his place too often.

There's a little square around the corner. I look for a free bench and sit down to eat. Days in Gotham are usually very dark and today is not the exception. But still there are lots of people around. I distract myself watching them walk by. Men, women, children, older people, even some dogs. Most of them seem to be in a hurry, a few others seem to be lost, wandering aimlessly.

Suddenly a fight breaks out between a group of young men. I don't know what the problem is. I stop eating and observe the scene developing a few feet away from me. And then one of them notices me.

- Hey you! Clown! What the fuck are you looking at, huh?

Oh no.

He walks over. Here we go again...

- Are you deaf? I said what the fuck are you looking at?

- Nothing, nothing.- I say.

And a damn laughing fit befalls me again. It catches the attention of the rest of the group. They seem to have forgotten thay they were fighting and now all are focused on me.

My laughter enrages them even more. One takes the rest of the sandwich from my hand and tosses it to the floor. He grabs my shirt collar.

- What's so funny, little clown? And why the fuck do you dress up like this, idiot?!

- It's - it's my job...HAHAHAHAH- I respond between the laughter.

They laugh, too. Two of them grab me by the arms and a third one punches me in the stomach.

- Stop, please!! HELP!!- I scream to the people passing by. But nobody comes to my aid.

When they finally get bored of beating me and drop me on the bench, one of them takes my green wig and the other my clown's nose.

I run after them but I trip over my own clown shoes which are too big for my feet and I fall to the ground.

- Help!- I yell - Please, someone stop them!-

But nobody hears me...nobody cares.

- HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Anyone would think I'm laughing, but no, I'm crying. If someone looked at me closely, they'd realize. My sobs disguise between my laughter and the tears stream down my face, ruining my make up.

I feel so helpless, frustrated...in pain.

Why do they beat me? I don't hurt anyone. Why do they take my things from me? Of what use are a wig and a clown nose to them? What world do we live in, where people no longer rob for need but for fun?

People who pass near me and see me on the floor simply walk by or look the other way.

Do you see why I prefer the rats?

I slowly pick myself up and walk back to Ha Ha. None of the other guys are here at this time. I wash my face to remove the make up and change into my normal clothes. Hoyt doesn't even hear me come in, he's busy on the phone.

On my way home I pass near the bakery but I only look from the outside. The money from the tip I will have to use to replace my work tools... sorry, mom.

The elevator in my building is, just like everything else there, a damn disaster. I enter and hit button number 8 ten times until the door closes.

- Wait!!- calls someone and I hear hurried steps.

I stop the door with my foot and it opens again. And then I see her. I don't know her name but I've seen her before. She is pretty. Her skin is brown and she always wears a colorful strip to hold her curly hair.

- Thanks!- she says, but she doesn't look at me.

She holds a little girl by the hand. I hadn't seen her before. Perhaps because I usually don't come home at this time of the day. She's probably five years old.

The girl looks at me in awe. She steps closer to her mother and pulls softly at her skirt to catch her attention.

- Mom, mom, it's him!!- she says excitedly - It's the man who laughs!!-

Upon hearing that I can't help but smiling. It's the name. I think I like this name better than any other I have been called so far because it's the one that describes me the best.

- Stop it, Gigi.- she replies without paying her any attention.

- But it's true, mom. He lives next door and I can hear him laugh from my room.

The mother looks at me awkwardly and scolds the little girl.

- Shut up, Gigi!

- Sorry...- she says to me, appologizing for the girl's words. But I don't mind them at all.

- It's alright.- I assure her and smile to Gigi.

- She's right.- I say - I always laugh! HAHAHA-

The elevator opens and the mother hurries out, pulling her daughter behind her. In the alley the girl turns towards me one more time.

- Bye!- she says and waves.

Her mother drags her by the hand and hurries inside her appartment, number 8B, closing the door quickly.

- Bye...- I say but Gigi can't hear me anymore.

Most people feel uncomfortable around me. Others feel upset and other scared. But I don't wish to make anyone uncomfortable, upset or scared. It's this infernal laughter that alienates me away from people...that doesn't allow me to have a friend.

There is a mask between myself and the rest of people. There is a wall between society and my mind.