We All Fall Down. (Jack Barakat of All Time Low)

We All Fall Down - Alone

a·lone/əˈlōn/

Adjective:

Having no one else present; on one's own.

The weekend came and Jack was knocking on my door.

"Come on Em," he said,"just open up!"

I was afraid. Jack hadn't seen me in three days and I'd lost a lot of weight. I'd stopped eating and I'd purged quite a lot. My ribs were beginning to stick out in quite a way that pleasured me. I was finally getting a little skinnier and I was glad. I was sick of being that fat girl in school. I pulled my sleeves down over my hands to hide the patterns etched into my skin and opened the door.

"H- hi," I said quietly.

I heard Jack gasp but quickly cover it with a cough,"hey Em."

He walked into the living room and dumped a bag on the floor and proceeded to go up to my room.

"Wh- what are you doing?" I ran and blocked the staircase.

"Leaving my bag in your room, silly," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Don't go u- I mean, I'll do it for you," I said guiltily.

"Nah, I wanna," he smiled,"I need to pee anyway."

"Uh, why don't you go pee and I'll take your bag?" I asked, as he started to walk up the stairs, making me walk backwards.

"Why don't you want me in your room?" He questioned.

I raked my mind for an answer,"uh, girl things. Everywhere. And I mean, hairy waxing strips, underwear, bl-"

"Say no more," he pushed the bag into my arms and ran to the bathroom.

I exhaled gladly and took his bag to my room. I dropped it and quickly began picking up bloody tissues, razors, lighters and matches. I threw them into a box and shoved it under my bed, where Jack would never go due to the dead spiders and moths under there.

I sat on my bed and scanned my room but got sidetracked by the conversation going on between my mum and Jack.

"Jack, I really need you to speed up your process," my mum whispered,"she's started purging, she's not eating."

Jack didn't reply. I stood up and walked out of my room and down the stairs.

I heard more walking around upstairs.

My mum walked down the stairs,"Jack's just setting up his stuff for sleeping. I'm off to work, love you honey."

"Mph," I huffed back,"yeah, you too."

She sighed and walked out the door.

I walked up the stairs after five minutes of Jack still being up there.

He sat on my bed with the balls of bloody tissues I'd forgotten about.

"What's this?" He asked, turning to face me.

"Leave," I said quietly,"just drop it and leave me alone..."

"Bu-" he began.

"JUST GET OUT!" I screamed.

He stared at me, pain shot through his face.

He wasn't moving any time soon so I threw his bag out of my room and walked down the stairs. I sat in the kitchen until I heard a sniffle and the door close quietly.

And then I was alone.

Alone with myself.

Even worse, alone with my head.

"You're such an idiot," my head told me,"you're definitely going to be hated now!"

"You're wrong," I cried back.

"Yeah, I am. You've always been hated!" It snarled.

I shook my head as tears streamed down my face.

I wiped them away and ran up the stairs to my safe haven. I grabbed my box and went to the bathroom. I took out a razor and wound it through my fingers like a drummer would a drumstick. I finally stopped and gripped it tightly. I brought it to my wrist and traced new lines first small, shallow scars gradually getting bigger and deeper. I carved more and more until a red, slick pattern covered my arm. It made a pattern that made me sickeningly happy. Once I stopped the pain got to me and it was intense. I threw the razor in the sink and washed my arm, the water mixing with my blood as it washed down the drain. I wrapped my arm up in bandages and sighed.

"Why am I so alone?" I asked the ceiling as tears dripped down my cheeks.

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

"Incoming Call; Jack"

I pressed ignore over and over.

"Incoming Call; Alex"

That was strange.

"Incoming Call; Kara"

Now that was extremely strange. Kara never called me. Well, not much anyway. We only hung out with the guys, never on our own.

I ignored that call and the multiple texts Jack had been sending me.

Now I knew why I was alone.