your eyes ~ RUEL FAN FIC ~

Ruel's POV

The cold air makes my cheek sting more. The girls are fussing over me, some are crying again, angrily cursing Alira.

Nate manages to force open the car door and shoves me in. The door shuts behind me and as soon as he hops in the passenger seat we're driving off.

I reach up to feel my cheek, which is now numb. That'll leave a bruise. It was a good slap, though.

"What did you do to her?!" Says Nate. He doesn't sound particularly mad, on the contrary there's a hint of excitement in his voice.

"Nothing!" I stutter. "I mean, I got a bit short with her before, but like, she-"

"Ah, mate. Never treat a girl like you treat a guy. She'll slap you." He laughs.

I roll my eyes and look out the window, avoiding Nate and the driver's cheery conversation. We reach my house and say goodbye. I'm already in the front door before the car drives off .

Dad's in the study. "Good show?" He asks without looking up from his laptop. 

"Yeah, it was ok."

I walk past and try to get upstairs without seeing anyone else but Coco comes out of her room as I walk towards mine. 

"What's on your cheek?"

"What?" I ask, automatically raising my hand to cover it.

"It's all red! What happened?"

"Oh, nothing..."

"That's a bitch slap. I know it is. I can tell. Who did it? Alira?"

"No! I mean, well, yeah."

"Oooooh, she bitch slapped you?"

"Yes, Coco, yes she did. Can I go now?"

"Was it hard?"

"Yes. Now-"

"Does it hurt?"

"Of course! But-"

"Why did she slap you?"

"I don't know, just-"

"Tell me-"

"No! Just let me go!"

I storm around her into my room and slam the door.

"Stupid, stupid, idiot, asshole..." I mutter to myself, pacing back and forth. 

Girls, girls, girls! Why can they not just... leave me alone, leave everyone alone, be sane, be mature.

I just want to talk to someone. Anyone. So I scroll through my phone contacts finding any name that invites me, any name that I know I can confide in.

None.

I go back to the top, and through, and back, nine or ten times. Through about 200  names. And not one of them I feel like talking to.

Suddenly I feel very alone. It's just me, me by myself, no one else. 

I feel trapped in my own mind and know I need to talk. I don't know what about.

I stare at Alira's name for three minutes then click to call her. Not ideal, but currently the best option. 

It rings and rings then goes to voicemail. So I call again. And again. And again. 

Still no answer. I throw the phone onto my bed harshly. The voicemail plays.

Hey, you tried to call. And I didn't answer. I might be out, or I might just be purposely ignoring you. If it's urgent, come to my house. If it's not, don't call back. I might get back to you... maybe.

Before it can record my message I turn my phone off and flop into bed.

Sleep comes fast but it's broken by dreams, both good and bad. Someone's talking nearby, but I don't wake to worry about it.

I sleep through the whole night, which is unusual. When I wake the sun is well and truly risen. I regret not changing before falling asleep- the crinkle of fabric has left uncomfortable marks on my leg. But I don't have the energy to worry about that.

A quick glance at the clock tells me it's 9:47am. Mum hasn't come to wake me up and my phone isn't ringing so it's clear I have a free morning.

It's a shame, though, because I want to do nothing. On days where I'm working I always just want to get out and hang out and do everything, but all I want right now is to bury myself under the sheets and not come back out. For a few hours, anyway.

The side of my mind that's telling me to be healthy convinces me to go somewhere. Even if I go alone, I'm getting something done.

I work up the energy to get changed and go downstairs. The sky is grey and light rain is falling. 

"Coco, can I borrow your car?"I beg. She's sitting on the couch reading some girly magazine. 

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Coco, for fucks sake, just let me-"

"Fine! Take it!"

I snatch her keys off the coffee table and go to the garage without saying bye to anyone, or saying where I'm going.

In the garage I get a box of matches, a bottle of water from the crate of full ones, and an axe. Probably not the best stuff to be caught with. But I don't plan on seeing anyone.

I drive out, the opposite direction to the city, as far as I can go.

Time isn't a relevant concept. By the time I reach the woods it's 1pm and pouring rain. I haven't got my phone which probably was another bad idea.

I park at the edge of a little clearing. Wattle, eucalyptus, arum lillies line the road. 

I take the axe and swing it at a small tree. The wet bark breaks easily and with a few more swings I've got a couple of logs. 

I walk into the Bush as far from the car as I dare to go without fear of getting lost. Find a small space under a large willow sheltered from the rain. Arrange the logs with some smaller twigs and light a fire. 

The warmth just breaks through the biting cold. I should've worn something  better than a tshirt and trackies. Reassured by the fact no one will notice the smoke coming from the wet wood because of the dark sky, I sit on the damp ground and try to relax.

At what point in the day I don't know, but eventually I stand up and pace back and forth just to give myself something to do. I don't feel anything, no emotions, just emptiness. I know something is wrong but I don't care. I should be at home, safe; I should've told mum or dad or Coco or Sylvie, I should've driven to Alira's house instead of three hours from home.

The sky grows darker and darker. I go back to the car to turn it on and check the time, but then walk back to my fire when I see it's 7pm.

Mum will be scared out of her mind. Coco will be calling all my friends. Dad might call the police.

Or will they? What if they don't care? What if I was disposable?

I scrunch my eyes shut trying to block out these thoughts because I know they aren't true. I shouldn't have stayed here alone for so long but I don't want to go back now.

I lie down in the dirt trying to get a grip on reality as raindrops fall on my face. 

I need to go home. I want to go home.

It's much better here. Silent.

I'm going to be in so much trouble.

No one can get you in trouble if they don't find you. 

I need to go...

Just stay!

Before I can make up my mind, my body gives in and I black out into a deep, deep sleep.