u made me happy

secrets

You never tell anyone what bothers you, what upsets you, what makes you uncomfortable, what's up with you when you're sad. You've never really tried to talk about what you're feeling. You used to when you were younger, but as you were getting older, the more you lost your trust for people.

It started off when you were 11, you told Jessica, a girl in you're homeroom, about a guy you liked (Josh) She promised not to tell anyone and you trusted her. You came in the next day and everyone was making fun of you for liking Josh. You trusted her a little less. No one ever forgot about how you liked Josh. And people still comment on it to this day.

Then when you got into high school you made a friend called Olivia. You didn't tell anything to her until you fully trusted her. You guys got really close and you felt that you could tell her about you're life.
You told her about you're mom dying when you were 6 and you're Dad taking care of you and your sister Grace. You told her about all the money problems that went on, not being able to afford the nicest shoes. You told her about you're Dads new girlfriend that made you're dad happy. She was able to get your Dad a job. And she moved in with you's a few years later. You didn't go into full detail, you were careful with it this time.

A few weeks later, she ditched you. She went off and hung round with the "popular group"
She told all of them about your back story, twisting little bits to make it sound pathetic. Calling your dad a gold digger, saying he only married you're step mum for the money. Which was not true. The new girls Olivia hung round with, started harassing you, calling you poor, making fun of the fact you were poor, calling you fat and disgusting for eating Mac and Cheese. They'd leave you notes in you're locker saying that you're ugly.

They came up to you once, and apologized, you forgave them. They complimented your hair and your outfit. Then when you went to walk away, they grabbed your hair and yanked it hard. They pushed you to the ground and kicked you, punched you, spat on you.
You came home with a busted lip, bloody nose, a swollen eye. You made sure no one asked or saw it what happened.

In you're first two years of high school, you were miserable, always getting made fun of, bullied, hurt. You were really sad, insecure and scared. Most of all, lonely.

Then in you're third year, you met this guy, his name was Brayden. He was the kindest guy you've ever met. He made you happy, he thought you were gorgeous, cute, kind. You loved him. Full on loved him. He made you feel happier than you've ever felt before.

After a while, he really didn't care about you're feelings. He said you ate to much, he called you fat. He made "jokes" that you were fat. That you were ugly, annoying. One day he hurt you, physically. You guys were fighting. You told Brayden that you weren't happy with him calling you fat and ugly, he full on screamed at you. He shouted at you so loud that his veins were popping out of his forehead. He called you worthless. You told him to go away. He pushed you against the wall, you banged your head really hard, he spat on you, kicked you. He told you he never really loved you. Called you a slut and walked away.

You lost all you're trust for people after that. The one person you trusted more than anything called you a slut, and hated you. You were alone. No one liked you. You were failing in all you're classes. You just didn't like life anymore. It wasn't for you.

You made a few friends eventually. There was these two kids, Claire and Veronica. You had English with them. You talked to them before but never went out of your way to try and talk to them. You kinda just started hanging round them. They were kind but in a "I don't really care" kind of way, they wouldn't say anything about you, or judge you, they just didn't listen. They invited you to hang round with them after school so you did.
You went to the backyard of a newsagents. You didn't know what what's going on until Claire pulled out a handful on blunts out of her pocket. You hesitated grabbing one. But you did in the end, you didn't want to look too innocent out of you're only friends. You smoked loads of blunts, a load of cigarettes, drank a lot. And had a "fun time" you guys did that most days. You got addicted to the nicotine and the weed. You always wanted it. You craved it. always.

One day they just stopped hanging around you, you don't know why. They still say hi to you in the hallways but that's the most of it. They found new people, they moved on from you.

Which left you in a sticky situation. You were addicted to cigarettes and weed. You weren't gonna be able to buy them. Which isn't good at all.

You bought a juul, they were good for addictions and much healthier, you know the day you are able to afford weed and cigarettes you'll have them.

A/n
Thanks for reading x new chapter up after this one