So, What? // 1D AU ✓

Chapter 22

~So, so what?,

I'm still a rock star~

Another Friday night, another gig for Louis Tomlinson. He doesn't really mind the job though, certainly not as much as the bass guitarist Sabrina, with her ever-constant stream of cynicism and refusal to play slow songs. Sure, they're not good for clubs, but, come on, not even once in the last year had a singer chosen a slow song and got it approved by the queen bee. The two of them butted heads a lot, despite sharing the same sense of humor and love of music. He also trusted her and Garrett with all of his secrets, and there were a lot of them.

Another reason he loved the job was because it kept him close to music. This was all he could manage, and it gave him that taste of stage life that he'd always wanted for himself, but gave up on.

He'd been in Los Angeles for five years after moving from somewhere too small to contain all of his dreams and aspirations. There had been enough money back then. He'd been a big shot, had "made it". The singles and the record deals. Mansion parties and snorting cocaine off of models. Only on Tuesdays, though.

There was a big house he'd owned for a year. All of the friends who helped him make bad decisions. It wasn't just him crying at the kitchen table at home, after his parents and his siblings had gone to bed, looking at the nearly negative balance in his bank account. Louis was always smart with money, and he still had a lot of it from those days put away.

The thing that changed everything was losing his mom. Everyone knew almost instantly that he wasn't going to be the same. And he wasn't. But Louis took it to an extreme that no one predicted. One day, everything was there, and the next it was gone. A lot of money went into wiping his entire identity off the face of the planet.

Songs? Gone.

Social media? Gone.

Louis Tomlinson? Never existed.

The thought of being successful without having his mom to support him felt like betrayal. Any song he tried to sing felt like lava in his mouth, like poison killing him from the inside out. It didn't matter that he had thousands of people who supported him. The only one he wanted to, wasn't there.

So he didn't sing anymore. And that was ok for him. Sabrina and Garrett knew that. Never offered him a microphone for backup vocals. Louis got super into drumming. It was a physical release of emotions, and he was there, on a stage, in front of a crowd. Still there, but also a million miles away.

He was driving to the bank because he was in a self-destructive mood and wanted to ruin the rest of his night. It be like that sometimes. There was some time before his usual arrival at the club so he could bullshit with the waiters and his friends.

There were some short conversations as the lady led him to the room full of P.O. boxes. It was the only thing left of his former life, and it was time to dive in and clean it out so his mind would be empty too. Since it was close to closing time, it was just him, so he sat on the floor and opened the gold container, wishing he could have a cigarette with them.