In The Middle, Somewhat Elevated | An Avengers Fanfiction |

Chapter 9: I Don't Believe in Outer Space

The room was dark, and I was hit with uncertainty. Steve reached around my motionless form and switched the lights on. There were no monsters. He cleared his throat and I hobbled in.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Steve said looking around at the unmade bed, the pile of his sweatsuit I'd thrown in the corner, the tv that I had left on. "Never had Shawarma before yesterday, but it not bad."

I nodded. It felt like he was trying to fill up the pained silence with cheerful small talk. I sat on the edge of my bed.

"Unless you want something else. I'm not sure what's open but I could look around."

"No, that's ok." He was already going through the trouble of bringing me food.

He hesitated as if wondering if I'd keep it together long enough for him to run a few blocks, order food, and run back. I couldn't go with him; couldn't walk that far, and the streets weren't cleared enough to drive through.

"Oh, here," he reached in his pocket and tossed something to me. "Director Fury asked me to give this to you."

I caught it, the weight and shape familiar in my palm. My phone.

"Mobile phone," he explained as if I wouldn't recognize it. "I have one of my own. Can't say I understand it or even like to turn it on."

I snorted despite myself.

He smiled. "You're gonna be alright," he said. It wasn't a question. He winked before turning away.

I felt his presence go, trail after him like the smell of summer. I was alone. I slid off the bed to sit on the short carpet. I rested my forehead on my bent knee.

I couldn't even imagine Asgard. I had no idea what it was like if it was futuristic or medieval or something so alien I could never get used to. Judging by the clothes Thor and Loki wore, it was not a whole lot like Earth. How could I fit into a society like that? Was there dance? Or ballet? Because that was, seriously, all I was good at. I wouldn't have a purpose there.

But I would know my family and they would know me. Was it a guarantee that they would love me? I would have to leave behind everything, my mother, my dog, dance, regular food, everyone I knew. And not only would I have to leave them behind, but I might also have to put them away forever. There was no guarantee I could get back here.

And once my family of gods saw how weak and human I was, how I had embarrassing panic attacks, how could they want me around? If Loki thought I was disgusting, I probably was, to them. I would be the runt of the family, patronized at best. I would be in an inhuman world, with a family I didn't know or love, with no way home.

My phone was dead. I rummaged around in my suitcase for the charger. It took a good minute after I plugged it in for the screen to light up. It kept a steady vibration like a hornet franticly buzzing angrily, alerting me to the long list of missed calls, voicemails, texts, and emails. I waited for it to subside for what seemed like forever.

I decided that I wasn't going to listen to the messages. I knew what they would say and it would only make me feel guilty to hear how scared my mother was. She would be at first annoyed, then angry, and then worried. I would have calls from the company, asking where was I, when was I coming back, did I think I was going to keep my place in the company if I didn't go to rehearsal or class. I squinted so I wouldn't have to know just how many missed calls and systematically trashed voicemails until my phone was finally empty. I swallowed. It was time to call my mom.

"SIRI!"

I pulled the phone away from my ear.

"Hi, Mom," I offered sheepishly. I heard her tell someone in the background, that it was me on the phone.