Florida Kilos

Dark Paradise

I sat in my car, staring at nothing. The burnt photo in my lap. I wrapped my hands around the steering wheel. I laid my head on top of the wheel and from the pit of my stomach a loud screech came from my mouth. I hit the steering wheel multiple times, my goal was to break it. But I stopped myself.

I started the car. Not knowing where I was going, I just drove off. I ended up at a parking lot. People were walking in and out if the their cars. I got out of mine and grabbed a shopping cart. I rolled it into the store and went around, throwing stuff into my cart. Once I felt like I grabbed everything I needed, I went to the checkout area. I placed my items onto the counter and the clerk ringed them up," Hi how are you?"

I looked at the woman as she scanned my items," I've been better." She nodded her head," We all have those days, but you'll get through it." She gave me a smile and I returned a small one.  I gave her the little cash that I had and took my stuff to the car. I had bought some snacks, blankets, toothbrushes, toothpaste, water, and baby wipes. It's all I could afford at the moment.

I sat there in my car, staring at nothing until it was time for me to get Ama. I started the car and drove off. When I arrived at the house, I knocked on the door. The door opened but no one was there," Mommy!!" Ama wrapped her arms around my legs. I picked her up and squeezed her tight," I missed you." "I missed you too mommy." She rested her head on my shoulder and I nestled my head on top of hers," Marina come in." Mary commanded as Rich came up behind her," Marina, where were you today? I heard you took off."

I glanced at him and Mary," Yeah I-uh gotta go–" "You can stay a while if you want." Rich furrowed his eyebrows. I could feel a tear stream down my face," It's alright, I'll see you later." Before I could take off, Mary grabbed onto my arm," Marina? What's going on?" I shook my head. Mary tightened her grip," You're not leaving until you tell us what's going on."
Her expression was stern, it reminded me of my mom's when she was about to whoop me when I was little. I followed her and Rich into the house. We all sat on the living room couch," Ama go to the kitchen and play with Daisy." Mary ordered. Ama looked to me for reassurance. I nodded my head and she ran off into the kitchen.

I glanced at Mary, her face was stern and waiting for me to explain. I bit my thumbnail, trying to collect all my thoughts," I can't catch a fucking break," Mary stayed still," If it isn't my job letting me off, it's Caesar harassing me, Mr.Lasso on my ass about rent and NOW my house is gone." I couldn't help but burst into tears once again. Mary quickly moved to my side. She wrapped her arms around me," Marina you and Ama can stay–"

I brushed her arms off of me," No, no, no you've already done enough," I got up from the couch," this is my mess. I need to clean it up." Rich got up from the couch and made his way over to me," Marina it's no problem if you stay here–" "NO! Okay? No–"
Rich reached his hand over to me and I swerved out of his grasp," No Rich. You and Mary have already done too much for me. Even when I avoided you guys for months," I shook my head," I don't deserve your help."

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed Ama. I carried her on my hip and tried to walk out of the house," At least let me still watch her while you're at work Marina." I quickly glanced at her and nodded my head.

I buckled Ama into the carseat and got into the car myself. I drove away from the house and down the street. I looked into the rearview mirror and saw Ama looking out the window," Ama?" She immediately turned her attention to me and smiled," Are you hungry?" She nodded her head frantically," What do you want to eat?" She tapped her index finger on her chin," McDonald's!!"

I let out a small laugh," Okay girlie." She held up her bunny," You hear that Daisy? We're going to McDonald's!" she tossed Daisy up and caught her. Once we got there, I order a meal just for her. It was all I had. We took a seat at a booth and she ate her food. Ama picked up a fry and handed it to me," Here mommy."

I shook my head," No baby. You eat okay?" She shoved the fry in her mouth and continued to eat. After she finished eating, we went to the restrooms. Ama used the restroom and I did too. I took out the baby wipes that I bought and cleaned myself. I gave one to Ama and I told her to wipe down her whole body.

We both washed our hands and exited out of the fast food restaurant and into the car. I drove to our house and a wave of dread came over my body once I seen it again. It was completely charred, ash was blowing in the wind. The houses beside it were completely destroyed as well," Mommy what happened to the house?"

"It caught on fire baby." "What about my toys and my bed?" I shook my head,"They're gone sweetheart. We'll just have to get new ones okay?" She glanced up at me with puppy dog eyes and nodded her head," Okay."
I took out the blankets i bought and gave one to Ama. I saved one for me, I used the other ones to cover the windows of the car," Are we sleeping out here?"

I nodded my head at the small girl. Ama stretched her body across the backseat and I covered her in the blanket. I let my seat back and wrapped the blanket around myself," Goodnight mommy." "Goodnight baby."