Loathing {John Mulaney x reader}

One

     The summer heat burned down on (Y/n), annoying the hell out of her. She had been on a walk to her friends house, but she needed to take a quick break, as the heat was making it harder than usual to breath. Sitting under a tree at a park not far from her friend's house, (Y/n) muttered angrily too herself. Twenty-six fucking years and she still couldn't grow out of her hatred for the hot, sweltering months. Anna, her friend, had always found it grounds to make fun of her. Anna was 30 and met (Y/n) when they were in college, they became friends almost instantly when they bonded in the Library when they were teasing their business-major friend.

     (Y/n)'s phone started ringing, surprising her. Not many people called her anymore. She read the name and realized it was Anna, she must be confused as to where her friend was. (Y/n) picked up her phone and quickly answered her eccentric friend.

     "Yo, I'm sitting under a tree right now, I didn't realize how hot it-" (Y/n) was cut off mid sentence.

     "(Y/n)! you remember that guy I was telling you about, the funny one?" Anna interrupted her friend, obviously excited, she was suited to teaching second graders when she wasn't drunk out of her mind. "He's coming over too, he was bored as hell and none of his other friends wanted to hang out."

     "Yeah, I remember him. Didn't he help you get home that one night when you were drunk as hell?" (Y/n) chuckled, getting up to continue her short journey to Anna's house. "You sure I won't be interrupting anything?"

     "Yeah, that's the guy," Anna started. "And I'm not into him like that, bitch. You know I'm dating Eric now." Anna sounded mildly annoyed with her friend suggesting that she had a cheating nature.

     "You know I'm joking. I'll be there in a minute, I'm half a block away." (Y/n) said into the phone, avoiding the crushed apples on the sidewalk that had fallen from the tree above. "I'm gonna let you go now, I'm on a shitty data plan." (Y/n) hung up before Anna could reply. It took her about a minute to get to her friends house. She paid no mind to knocking, just deciding to walk in, as Anna had given her a house key.

     Anna ran down the stairs from her room and into the living room. The woman was 5'4" and had deep red hair. She was the epitome of American-Irish. "Hey, sweetie!" She practically gasped out. She was obviously tipsy. Anna had a drinking problem, which was probably not good for an elementary school teacher, but she somehow made it work. "I have a full cranberry vodka I'm just dying to open, let's drink some while we wait for John."

     'His name is John?' (Y/n) thought to herself. "Anna, as much as I'd love to get drunk out of my mind, I have a shift at the diner tonight." (Y/n) lied. She really did want to get drunk, but she didn't think it was a good idea for her right now. Right as Anna was about to speak, the doorbell rang, how convenient.

     "It's John!" Anna ran to the door and opened it. "What's up my home slice bread slice? Come on in! My friend (Y/n) is in the living room." Anna grabbed John's wrist and dragged him over to (Y/n). (Y/n) looked up at the tall man, he was 6' and looked like a living, breathing twig. Nevertheless, he smelled faintly of cigarettes, burned cedar, and Dove Men's shampoo. It was extremely attractive. (Y/n) reached her hand out for him to shake.

     "I'm (Y/n), you must be John." (Y/n) smiled politely up at the man who towered over her. He was wearing a faded marvel t-shirt and some khaki pants with a brown belt. He smiled back at her and shook her hand.

     "John Mulaney, Anna's told me a lot about you." John let go of her hand and they stood there somewhat awkwardly. John wanted to keep talking, but the redhead spoke before him.