Warnings: Signs of Depression, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of Drugs (Recreational from Unorthodox Methods and Prescribed), Signs of Manipulation
Description: In the cold days of Canadian weather, a simple-living swedish woman by the name of Judit...
‘Everyone admires someone, don’t they? You can’t help it. Someone grabs your attention and you’re drawn in like a target to bait.’
She told herself that every single morning to help cope with the nightmares that would consistently torment her mind every time she shut her eyes to try and rest off the burdens of her day, in fact she hadn’t been feeling good whatsoever for the last few years after the incident which caused the death of him. The only person who seemed to truly care, gone.
Her body swept itself up off her bed to the irritating symphony of her alarm clock and her mind mentally readied itself for the bombardment of people that she would have to face today, the same cycle she had been stuck in since she became a slave to the retail industry shortly after her arrival to Canada but she did have to admit that her job and her fresh start was mentally better for her than staying where she was, the place she used to call home now had no more relevance to her, no meaning.
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Her hands clasped under the faucet, letting the liquid to run between her fingers for a short while just to cleanse her hands of the filth that she felt she had in her palms, the filth of being her mother's child... The child of what she perceived was evil. She took a deep breath before bringing the water up in a swoop motion to flush over her face, leaning over her sink to simply let it trickle down back into the basin. She glanced to the clock which was set on the wall in the other room, accurately keeping track of just how long she took with everything she did as if she were on a timer of sorts, a personal timer. She turned away from the sink and returned to her den of sanctity to get ready for the next hours that her day would hold in a slowed motion for her, already predicted to be long and dreadful. Her heart beat was slowed and once she had adjusted her slightly crooked uniform her hands picked up her car keys with two singular fingers.
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With sunken eyes she examined the store, people walking about with smiles on their faces and partners by their sides. The giggling of children coming from the carts of most customers, the free ride proving fun for their small and easily amused minds.
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Her eyes soon observed a pair of more grown up kids, perhaps around the ages of six or seven, siblings. They ran about the isles, vanishing in one only to reappear from another, weaving like a spider's web. Her body had fallen into a state of subconscious control, ‘auto-pilot' mode while her mind drifted off elsewhere from what was now an empty shell. A sharp increasing pain brought her back to reality after what seemed to be a mere moment, the laughter of the children was giving her a headache but luckily she wouldn’t have to put up with it for much longer.
“Judith, your shift ended ten minutes ago. Go home.”
Her boss' voice cut through to her conscious mind like a knife and she felt a temporary wave of confusion wash over her before she looked to the digital clock nearby the workspace, he was right. She gently shook her head to rid herself of the odd sense of lost time and sighed in whatever relief she could feel. She put her cleaning supplies on the hanger in the backroom before she walked out. She soon felt something press force against her shoulder before she crossed the threshold of the staff area though, a hand making itself prominently known to her.
“Are you getting much sleep, Judith? You’ve seemed a little out of it recently.”
She was questioned, the deep crackly American-accented voice of her boss went through one ear and out the other most days but today it stopped by to pay her brain's response system a visit,
"Oh. No, I haven’t been sleeping much recently. I’m sorry, sir.”
She responded though it was clear as day just how shallow and empty her apology was, they both knew she didn’t really care but her boss seemed to appreciate her at least trying to make an attempt at acting like she did.
“Judith, I know you don’t care but I really do think you need to see someone. Perhaps they could help if you just gave them a chance.”
He offered but like usual it was to no avail, she promptly shook her head and avoided eye contact for a moment to gather her own thoughts, she despised getting help even if it wasn’t her asking for it in the first place,
“No, I don’t need help.”
She out-right refused, much to her boss' disappointment. With a sorrowful sigh he nodded as an ‘okay' and let her past so that she could log off, gather her stuff and finally head out so she could return home. She could feel the concerned gaze of his eyes burning holes through the back of her head as she walked away, she hated it.
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She plucked her messenger bag off of the floor within her locker and checked her phone, spotting the notification of the many calls she had missed from a number she recognised as her mother's. A blink reassured that it was indeed real that she was seeing the number of times she dialled Judith. With the press of a button her phone turned to a black screen before being discarded carelessly into the abyss that was her bag. She focused her lazy glare towards the exit and her body immediately started to follow the set track.
It was a short drive home, her own breathing patterns clouding the still air to be the only thing occupying the small space. Her eyes pinned to the road like a thumbtack in a corkboard, a lack of life making a dull tone in her eyes. She felt her body beginning to become tired again which would prove difficult to deal with for her.
Upon entering the house she made a path instantly towards the medicine cabinet, knocking bottles away from others in a drowsy manner in an attempt to quickly locate the one she was looking for as if it were her only solace these days. Her finger instantly popped the cap once the medicine was sought out, downing a pair of pills with a wash of water helping it down her throat as well. She instantly drooped herself into a chair at her dining table, her phone in-hand. She felt her grip loosen before the sound of an object colliding with her table could be heard after she shifted her hands to raise the palms to her forehead. She noticed her fingers twitching as she dreaded to look at how bad she looked tonight compared to the slow progressions on the previous nights, the bags under her eyes getting deeper and getting darker by each passing day. She stared at herself in contemplation for a moment when she finally chose to meet her own gaze, losing herself.
It was just one day after the other... She was getting worse and yet she didn’t care.
