Disconnected // L.H

chapter one

This is a FICTIONAL story that is absolutely not affiliated with Luke Hemmings, Calum Hood, Michael Clifford, Ashton Irwin, or anything 5 Seconds of Summer related in any way. It is a work of FICTION. We only used the boys' looks, and names, their personalities are in no way a reflection of the real life 5SOS boys. This story may be a little confusing, but I promise it will fall into place and be very good. Thank you for reading! Enjoy:)

Adrianne 

Dear Diary, 

It's the last weekend of summer and I honestly could not be more happy. This summer has been absolute hell. Then again, everyday is. I'm going to another lame ass party tonight with high hopes of getting wasted, high, and distracted. It's always the same. I party all night and come home reeking of weed and God knows what kind of alcohol. In all honesty, my "parents" could not give a shit less. Somewhere between my father's death and my asshole step-dad's daily perverted remarks and advances towards me, I realized that nobody cares. My dad used to care, of course. He was the one person in this world that understood me. I could tell him everything without any judgement whatsoever. He wouldn't tell anyone, including my mom, my secrets as long as I didn't tell anyone his...and he had a lot. After he died I completely closed myself off from communicating with anyone. Not even my brother, Ashton, could get anything out of me. Then, my mother met my step-dad, Keith, and everything changed. At first, I saw him as a sort of  replacement for my dad. I was eager to share my struggles with him and for him to tell me his. How terribly naive of me. Keith took advantage of me in every way. But whatever that piece of shit did to me is my past. That's all. The past. Unfortunatley, the past is the only thing that haunts me. The past is what rips me apart inside and out. Memories of the past, my past, are constantly swimming in my thoughts and I can never fully escape them. But I try. I try so fucking hard to escape the horrible memories. I use sex, drugs, alcohol, and self inflicted violence to distract myself from the past. Whatever mistake I decide to make tonight will be just another distraction.

I stand alone eyeing my naked reflection in the mirror that hangs on the back of my bedroom door. As my eyes shuffle up and down, the always present knot in my stomach twists. I've been told by far too many men that I have an attractive body. Those words are exaclty how college guys got into my pants when I was 14 or 15 years old. I have never been able to see my body as sexy, though. All I see is a mess of white, pasty skin, with purple and red marks smeared into it. Ugly scars, fresh cuts, and bruises cover my body, always. I have dark circles under my eyes from endless hangovers and staying up almost every night. I am too curvy and my bones are clearly visible under my skin. How any man could find me sexy is impossible and that's how I know they're lying.

As I leave the mirror to get dressed for the party my phone buzzes with a text from Calum. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a boyfriend. We are unofficial, and have been for four months, but somehow everyone knows we belong to eachother. I like Cal, he's fun to hang around and he doesn't ask a lot of me. He is the first guy that hasn't jumped to have sex with me at the first chance he got. We've messed around more than a few times but we haven't ever technically gone all the way. I know he wants to and the fact that he hasn't forced anything on to me makes me enjoy him that much more. His text informs me that he will be picking me up soon and that he won't be coming in.

Calum knows about Keith and he knows what he has done to me. He's the only one that knows any of that, aside from my soon to be senior brother Ashton. I haven't told him about my dad or my scars. Those are things only I know, and I vowed never to tell anyone. No matter how much I trust Cal, he will never find out about my father, or the worst struggles I have ever faced. Struggles bigger than nearly being raped by a 40 year old man.

I pretend I'm fine but I'm far from it. Nobody actually cares about anything other than themselves. That's the thing I miss most about my dad. He was selfless and could tell when I was lying about being okay. He was truly the only person that could see past the fake smile I put on everyday. I need to continue smiling, living in this hell we call society. He always told me things will get better and I hope they will soon, because I can't stay this way forever. 

The familiar horn of Calum's car sounds and I rush down the stairs faster than I should. I'm just trying to avoid the perverted and unnecessary comments from the dickhead that married my mother but I'm out of luck. "That dress is a little tight, don't you think honey?"

I roll my eyes and walk away, ignoring Keith's rude words. It's been three years and the way he calls me "honey" still makes me cringe. My black heels clack against the hard wood floors of Keith's huge house. The rich bastard reminds me everyday it's his house and I am not to refer to it as "my home." Not that I would anyway. 

I walk out the door, slamming it behind me and immediatley hear Calum's heavy metal music blaring from his car. He doesn't bother to get out and greet me or open my door for me. He's never been the type of guy in the movies that everyone falls in loves with, but this is reality.

I softly shut his red car door. Turning to face him, I'm caught off guard by his lips on mine. My mouth quickly opens to grant his toungue access. There's something about his kiss that is more rushed than usual. It's hard and something tells me I need to be careful around Calum tonight. Ignoring my subconscious and needing the distraction, I straddle his lap in the front seat of his small Jetta. Right there in Keith's driveway, I silently pray he walks out and sees.