Disconnected // L.H

chapter four

Luke holds me tightly into his broad shoulders, almost to the point where it's uncomfortable. Maybe he feels that if he loosens his grip on me, I will snap back into reality and push him away like I usually do. He helps me into his old pickup truck and he awkwardly sits me up the best he can. I try to adjust myself but the little control I have over my body still makes it hurt to move. I sit there slumped over slightly, unsure about what to do or about what is going to happen next.

I'm startled by a bang and the truck shaking slightly, and I realize that Luke just punched the hood of his beat up truck. He's pacing back and forth and it's a little hard to see him in the dark. I glance at my phone and find out that it's almost 1 o'clock in the morning. 

 As Luke joins me in the truck, he slams the rusty door. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't dare to look.  "What did they do to you?" Luke questions harshly. 

I turn my head towards him, slowly and open my mouth to speak. I quickly close it before any words I might regret can escape.

"Nevermind. It's not important. I'll take you home." Luke says, still looking at me unneasily. I cringe at the word "home" and Luke notices. "Unless. . . you don't want to go home?" 

I shake my head, I am certainly not going to Luke's house. As much of a loser as he is, Luke Hemmings still has a reputation when it comes to girls. He's hot, there's no doubt there. And he is very. . . persuasive. I get the idea that when he wants something from a girl, he gets it. I will not be one of those girls with him. Not tonight, not ever.

"Okay. . ." he trails off, turning up the music slightly. It is very quiet in his car and calming, quite contrary to Calum. I immediately recognize In Bloom by Nirvana playing through the speakers.

I lean my head against the cold window of his car, a habit I picked up from my mother. I close my eyes and try to forget everything. But the second my eyes shut, the memory from less than twenty minutes ago haunts me. I can hear Calum's voice inside of my head, the dirty things he whispered to me and only me while I was nearly unconscious. I remember all the crude remarks from those girls, one I know was Rebecca. I remember the camera. . . Why the fuck was there a camera anyways? Those people were who were supposedly my  friends probably wanted to make a drunken porno or something. 

I'm not so much bothered by that as I am by the amount of people in that room, laughing at me. Did they the see blue and black spots all over my body? I start to pray that they didn't, but quickly stop. It's just silly of  me to think my scars and brusies could have gone unnoticed. Of course they saw them. My entire body is covered in the ugly reminders of what I only wish I could forget.  

I feel tears forming in my eyes, and I am praying Luke won't notice. He can't see me cry. No one has ever seen me cry, except for my father. My father. His words play in my head like a song. You need to be strong, Adrianne.You need to hold yourself together. Dear heart, you want them to see you as anything but vunerable. With his advice fresh in my brain, I swallow the lump in my throat and blink away the tears, an art I have mastered.

Before I know it Luke pulls up outside of Keith's house. He turns off the truck and I reach for my door, grimacing in pain. "Don't," Luke commands and I lower my hand. Stepping out of the truck, he walks towards my door. The closer he gets, the more anxious I become, and I'm not sure why.

He reaches my door within a second and he opens it for me. Now that I have a better handle on my consciousness, I am worried that my barrier that was the door has now disappeared. "Adrianne. . ." he says, his voice softer than I have ever heard it.

Luke places his large hand over my face, his thumb wiping away the tears that I forgot I was trying to hide. His warm touch makes me feel safe, but still, I jerk away. It's a foreign feeling, something I never felt around Calum. With Calum I was always on edge and I could never be comfortable around him. With more thoughts of Calum, I realize what a fucking idiot I am. I should have been more guarded tonight. I need to stop thinking about this, this is the past. The past that I have to put behind me. 

Still, the past is fucking scary.

Luke lifts me out of the car, and carries me up the many steps of Keith's mansion. Luke opens the front door without knocking and takes me inside. Nobody is home. Nobody rushes to the door to greet me, and I almost find myself wishing someone would have. I know it's ridiculous and I shouldn't have any high expectations for my mom. My dad sure didn't.

"Which way?" Luke says, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"W-what?" I stutter. My voice is shaky and I realize this is the first time I've really said anything after what happened tonight.

"Your bedroom. Which way is it?" 

"Oh. Um," I pause. I almost tell him to put me down, that I can handle myself, but I'm enjoying this sense of security that I know will vanish as soon as his touch leaves my pained skin. "It's up those stairs."

He carries me up the stairs in silence. There are a lot of steps to take and I'm very surprised he's not panting from carrying me. He's in very good shape, I'll give him that. 

"It's the third door on the left," I say. Luke opens my door and brings me to my large bed. He folds back the covers using one hand, so he doesn't have to let go of me. Once my bed is unmade he gently places me under the crimson duvet. He removes my shoes and takes his black leather jacket that had been slung around my shoulders, which I hadn't noticed until now.

"Can I get you anything?" he says, not meeting my eyes.

"No," I answer. He says nothing but takes a seat at the end of my bed. "You can go."

"Not even a thank you?" he says, smirking at me. Normally I hate that cocky lip ring and expression he uses against me, but at the moment it is somewhat adorable.

"Thanks," I mumble and his smirk fades. "For. . . saving me." I close my eyes, trusting Luke to let himself out. It's a weird thing to trust him. I haven't trusted anyone in this way since my father. I start to doze off rather easy and the last thing I hear is Luke whispering something that I can't quite make out.

That night my dreams are rather nightmarish with Calum and Keith trying to do awful things to me, and a punk blond haired boy coming to my rescue.