Disconnected // L.H

chapter five

Luke

"Thanks. For. . . saving me." Adrianne says quietly, closing her eyes. I'm not sure if she meant to say the last part out loud. She's never been one to express her feelings well. Why is she so guarded now? I remember the way she used to be. She was so careless and playful. She was the little girl that would chase butterflies, but never catch them because their families would miss them. I miss that Adrianne. I miss the way her eyes would darken when she saw dead flowers, and sparkle when she saw elderly people in love. Though I know I will never see that Adrianne again, it doesn't hurt to miss her. . . right?

"I will always be here to save you," I whisper, too quietly. With more thoughts of the way things used to be I realize what I always have known;

It does hurt to miss her.

She's asleep and before I know it I'm looking around her room. I see all of her picture frames, all of them empty unless they hold a picture of her dad. Her purple jewelry box is sitting on her dresser, open, with tons of jewels spilling out of it. My long fingers search for the latch that opens the secret compartment I found for her. When it opens, a plastic ring falls out along with a cherry stem tied in a knot.

Seeing this makes me smile. I remember spending at least two weeks of my allowance buying and eating bags of popcorn, until I finally found the perfect ring for her. I gave it to her and asked if she would marry me. I rememeber her giggling and saying yes. That was when we were six, without a care in the world.

The cherry stem triggers another childhood memory with the damaged girl, sleeping just ten feet away. When we were eleven, we sat on my front porch eating a bowl of cherries. "I hear that if you can tie a knot in a cherry stem using your tongue, it means you're a good kisser," Adrianne said, smiling at me with the gap between her two front teeth. We sat on that porch for a good hour trying to tie cherry stems in a knot. It was getting dark so when Adrianne looked away I quickly tied the stem in a knot. Adi never found out that I cheated.

I smile reminising on what we once were. She told me everything and I didn't haven't guess what was going on. She used to be easy to read like an open book.

God, it hurts missing her.

...

I hear the front door of my small house wiggle. My mom ungracefully stumbles through the door.

"Hey baby, I didn't think you would still be awake," my mother comments.

"I just tucked in Lexi, you know, because you weren't home to do it," I say harshly. "She kept asking why you're never home or never there to tuck her in. She told me she didn't get invited to her friends mommy-daughter party because you were never home." My mom looks hurt but I don't care. She thinks it's fine to neglect my sisters like she has always done to me. I will not let them turn out like me. I am the way I am because of her.

"Luke. . ." my mom starts. "It's not what you thi-" I cut her off.

"I don't want to hear it," I continue walking to my room without looking back. My house is shit. It's small and dirty because my mother figure is never home to clean. I do all the work around here. I walk down to the basement where my bedroom is. Walking through the concrete door frame, I unbutton my black and red flannel, throwing it onto the floor. I slide out of my tight, black skinny jeans and grab a towel. Just around the corner is my "bathroom" with no walls, door, or even a sink. I step inside the small shower, turning it on.

The water is as hot as it can get and it feels good. It soothes the burn in my muscles from fighting off those dickheads and carrying Adi. I can't stop thinking about her. Whatever I do, I cannot get her out of my head, but then again I've never been able to. Even as kids I've always thought of her as something more than just a friend.

Like all young boys, I went through the "girls have cooties" phase. But with Adi, it was different. She was the cute girl that lived next door who was always laughing. As early as 6 years old, my stomach would flip whenever I was with her.

I want her to trust me. I want her to talk to me. I want her to believe there are better people than Calum. Fuck, anyone is better than Calum. I swear to god if he ever lays a hand on her again, I'm going to fucking kill him. 

Why would anyone do that? It's sick. I remember Adrianne's body...there were marks on it. All over it. Bruises. Stretch marks. Scars. Fresh cuts. 
She is so damaged. She needs saving. I need to be the one to save her.

I stay in the shower until the water runs cold, and finally get out. I change into a clean pair of boxers and lay down in my uncomfortable, yet large, bed. Remembering a small and innocent Adrianne and a younger Luke sharing their first kiss together, I start dozing off.

I fall asleep just after I thank God I cheated at the cherry stem tying contest.