MY SAFE HAVEN | billie eilish.

fortuitous

"they're over there in the refrigeration room" i signal to paul and ryan to where the larger bags of ice are and they waste no time grabbing two in each hand and taking them to the truck. poppy decided to stay in the car, so as soon as the boys conclude they don't need anything else from the diner, i exit out through the back door and make sure it's all well locked before heading back to where ryan parked.

being back here makes me recall the night i saw that one girl. if i'm honest, i haven't stopped thinking about it. it bugs me not knowing why she felt the need to apologize and walk off like that. and i guess i'll never know, because even if i wanted to go in search of her, i don't remember what she looks like, except for the fact that her hair is a faded teal color and she's about my height.

"i'm sorry i said i'm sorry ok! just let go of me dude"

i'm stopped in my tracks. i'm either having vivid memories from that night or that was actually the girl's voice i heard coming from the parking area where there was no other car but ryan's.

"let her go ryan!" poppy's voice sends chills down my spine and i start fearing the worst. in a matter of seconds, i go from being paralyzed from the waist down, to feeling as if my legs are teleporting me to them. 

i freeze when i see ryan gripping firmly onto the mysterious girl's arm. he isn't necessarily hurting her, but she does look somewhat scared. you could tell she didn't feel intimidated by him, but she was scared. if that makes any sense.

paul keeps pulling him back towards the car and poppy begs him to release her, but ryan doesn't even react, doesn't move, doesn't flinch and i'm just failing to comprehend why he's being like this.

psycho

"ryan, let her go! look at her she's scared" i say calmly. trying not to add fuel to the fire.

"no, you look at her, syd. she's high as a kite! and she was sitting out here by the entrance... probably waiting for her druggie friends to get here and graffiti the windows with obscene things like they did a couple of months ago!" he says through clenched teeth and part of me wants to laugh at his accusations. right when i thought he was simply pathetic, he goes and surprises me by being even more pathetic.

i know that was complete bs because it was donna who showed me the kids who did vandalize the diner and this teal haired girl isn't one of them.

"ryan..." i fake half smile at him and slowly approach him from behind, being so close to him while he's acting like a complete lunatic is scary.. but getting a closer look of the girl that's been consuming my thoughts for a whole week is worth the facade i pull next. "ryan... babe, please...let's go home..."

i'm surprised when it doesn't take him long to release his grip from the girl's arm and turn around to face me. the shift in his mood terrifies me in a way, especially when he cradles my face in his hands and leans forward to peck my forehead.... and i let him.

he's so weird istg

i'm mute. he's mute. poppy and paul are mute too. but the sound of the sobs emitted by the mysterious girl as she runs away from us rings so loud in my ears, i think i've gone deaf too.