MY SAFE HAVEN | billie eilish.

the secrets that we hide

"you're coming to the party tonight right?"

"what party?" i ask, leaning back against the counter as poppy refills this woman's drink.

"paul's.. it's his birthday party, you know this" she tells me with a sigh and i just go all 'oh sure' and flash her a sympathetic grin because man, do i feel bad. i mean i know i have slacking in the poppy department by not talking or hanging out with her as much as we used to so the last thing i want is for her to think i've suddenly stopped caring.

"p, there's no need for you to ask, you know i'm gonna be there. you have been planning this for so long, i wouldn't miss it for the world" i show a little more interest in the conversation this time and she just pouts at me before taking me off guard by giving me a quick hug.

"i know, thank you syd, i'm just nervous, that's all, i hope he likes everything. but more importantly i hope all the people i invited show up. which now reminds me... i never invited billie.. oh my god. i never got her number, can you give it to me please?, this is so last minute but i wanna invite her" she takes her phone out of her pocket and i give her bil's number, she texts her almost immediately. i also see her saving her contact name as 'billy'.... and she either did that on purpose or she's never noticed billie's name tag when they've worked the same shifts.

about that.. everyone's shifts are super weird now. so, it used to be me, poppy, billie and this other chick named jana, but she got fired shortly after they hired billie, which in a way was a great decision because she was dumb as hell, no joke. she really was. so now it's billie, poppy, myself and these two new girls who just so happen to be twins. mondays and fridays it's me and poppy, my tuesdays are with one of the twins and thursdays with the other. i hate thursdays, they feel like i'm trapped in some sort of deja vu. if you get what i mean. and lastly, i have my wednesdays with billie. it's been like that for a while and it makes me sad not seeing her at work as much as i'd like to, but it is what it is i guess. at least i get to come home to her every night and fall asleep in her arms after a long day.

the next two hours go by pretty fast and once we make sure the whole place is clean, we close and poppy takes me home before she has to go to her place and prep for the night ahead.

"did.. billie ever text you back?" i ask and chew anxiously on my lower lip.

me hanging out with billie's friends is one thing, but me and billie being in a room with a bunch of people who swear we're just friends is a whole different story.

"yeah she replied as soon as i texted her. she said she has other plans but she'll see if she can make it to the party" poppy shrugs at me and i just let out a small 'oh'.

the rest of the drive is quiet as i pretend to be asleep but truth is i'm just thinking about what other plans billie is referring to in her text. not like i care she has friends and goes out. she doesn't need my permission to do these things, it's just the way she's been acting kinda sketchy and secretive lately that's making me a little paranoid. when she got home at like two in the morning last week, she kept dodging my questions about where she had been all night. she never told me but i'm still here wishing she'd trust me enough to open up about other aspects of her life. it's not like i am going to judge her, she should know this.

"you're home syd" poppy's voice is soft as she delicately shakes my leg, trying to 'wake me up'. i let her do that again so it's not too obvious and then open my eyes to see her smiling warmly at me.

"hi.. thank you for the ride home" i smile back at her and for some reason i yawn. over analyzing things can be exhausting, i guess. "i'll see you later, p"

"love you syd, see you in a few hours" she waves goodbye all cutely as i get out of her car and since she's sweet and such a good friend, i blow her a kiss as she drives away.