Conflicted Eyes, Confusing Feelings | Complete

s i x t y - t w o

Sixty-two chapters already? Tsk, tsk. Why is this book so long?

On the other hand, allXager ships have sunken, I see? Remember to vote, and if you missed a chapter, go back and vote too. Pretty please? :3

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Before I met you, I never knew it was possible to miss someone this badly

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Xander Love was miserable.

But as per usual, no one could tell. No one could tell by the careless, fück-boy smirk he always wore, his physical features, his attendance to almost every single party, and now, with the most gorgeous girl clinging to him. Notwithstanding that, girls still tripped over their own feet when they saw him, all still vying for his attention some way or another even in Maria's presence.

So with having all that, why was Xander not happy? Why did his depression return? It never vanished completely, but this time it returned with a newly found, full force, knocking him off his feet and throttling him even worse than before.

After almost three weeks of being clean, Xander succumbed to his self-destructive habits once again, reckless behaviour, smoking, drinking, twirling random blades through his paling skin. On most days, the sun climbed the sky and shone brightly for most of the day, and although the heat kicked up a notch, Xander couldn't take off the hoodie. He didn't want anyone to notice the scars, questioning him, pitying him, speculating that he was doing it out of boredom or for some sort of attention.

For that, he made his thighs and upper arms the main source of the fun, where nobody could see the fading red and purple marks left by his regular, unhealthy way of venting.

"Xander? Are you listening to me?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, he bit back his urges as he focused on Maria. She was sitting on a chair in front of her mirror, applying layers of makeup on her already gorgeous face. At the moment, she applied some blush, then glided on her usual strawberry-pineapple lip gloss to finish the look.

Standing, she did a small twirl. She showed off her pearly white teeth as she flashed her boyfriend a brilliant grin. "What do you think?"

"It's good."

"Just good?"

Xander's eyes narrowed. "What more do you want me to say?"

Maria rolled her eyes, putting away her makeup kit before getting to her feet and approaching her closet, throwing the doors open. "I was asking you about prom, but you obviously weren't listening. What's distracting you?" she asked as she pulled out a hanger containing the newest Victoria Secret bikini she bought.

Razor blades, fire, suicide.

The usual stuff.

"Nothing," he mumbled, lifting the cigarette to his lips. It dangled between his lips as he blankly watched the tip burst in a series of colours as he took a long drag, ingesting the toxic fumes and letting it sift through his bloodstream. Holding it for a few seconds, his thoughts receded as thrills of pleasure took their place. He blew out tendrils of smoke, observing as they swirled around him in mist before fully vanishing in the air. Maria smiled. "I'm not going anyway."