The Sun in My Eyes

9 This Day Dream is Dangerous (Lili's Confessional)

In the confession hut, which was actually a side shed decorated to look like a beach hut, Lili sat in a giant wicker chair, her legs crisscrossed in front of her. It wasn't the most flattering pose for a girl in a bikini, but fuck it. If they wanted someone with a concave stomach, they shouldn't have chosen her. She liked food.

The producers, Deena and Isaac, asked all sorts of questions. Some of them leading. Some of them not. Anything she said could be shredded up and delivered to the fans of the show however they wanted, so she tried to give answers that couldn't be misinterpreted, though she already knew it was a losing battle.

"How do you feel about Ibrahim?" Deena asked.

"Ibrahim is lovely. He's really sweet. His chat is fumbly, but it's charming that way."

Isaac smiled. "And how was that kiss? You didn't let him kiss you again, we noticed."

"It was a good kiss. I just felt like it was enough for the first night." It had been a wonderful kiss actually. She'd decided to really go for it and give the people at home a show, but it was awkward because after, Ibrahim kept angling for more kisses and she simply wasn't sure she wanted more yet. In real life she would never kiss someone like that if she'd just met them. That was a fifth date kiss for her. Which is why most guys never stuck around past date three.

"You said last night that Bobby was the one who you found hottest. Were you trying to make Ibrahim jealous or did you mean it? "

"I don't play games. I felt bad about choosing Bobby, but I try to be honest. He is the hottest boy here. He's such a laugh."

"And yet, you didn't you choose him. Why?"

She had been dreading this question since she sat down. Trying to explain the Bobby conundrum was impossible. She'd been up half the night trying to sort it out. "I just didn't pick him. No reason. I wanted to get to know Ibrahim."

Deena pushed harder. "What do you find attractive about Bobby?"

The lights were burning the top of her head and Lili hesitated. "Can we move that light, please? It's too hot."

Isaac nodded and someone appeared to move it back a bit.

"So, Bobby," Deena said, not letting it go. "What makes him the hottest?"

"I don't know if it's a specific feature." She simply refused to natter on about his sexy smirk. Or his muscles. The hands. The drizzling honey eyes that turned her insides upside down. And certainly she wouldn't bring up the freckles. Oh, the freckles. He was simply too gorgeous to be real. Only an artist could craft something so perfect in its imperfections.

No she wouldn't be that melty about a boy she'd literally just met.

"Lili, please remember that we expect honesty. The public expects it as well. You won't last long if you don't give them that." Isaac gave her a tight smile. "You don't want to go home, do you?"

Oh god. She couldn't afford to leave early. She stretched her budget well-past the breaking point for the clothes and the shoes. The pay for being on the show barely covered flat rent, and only flights and hotels were reimbursable. The trick was that the further she got into the competition, the better the pay. And of course, if she won the fifty-thousand pounds—well twenty-five thousand once it was split—well, that would be worth the total loss of her dignity. At least that was what Lauren said as she hugged Lili hard enough to crack her back and shoved her on the plane to Majorca.

"So let's start again," Deena said, soothingly. "You and Bobby have had some moments. That almost-kiss on the daybeds, wow. The chemistry between you two has been otherworldly. Even with all the tests and assessments we did, nothing predicted that." She patted Lili's foot. "It's clear from the second you saw him that something was there. What was going on in your head that made you decide not to pick him?"

She chewed on her lower lip as she considered her words. "You know that feeling where your pulse pounds in your ears? It's loud and whoosh-y, like hearing the ocean in a conch?"

Deena nodded.

"He smiled at me and it was like that. So loud it hurt my ears. He hurt me just by standing there, being beautiful and funny. I know he's going to—" she huffed a heavy breath.

Deena leaned forward, intrigued. "He's going to what?"

She swallowed and stared down at her hands. "He's going to break my heart. I knew it the moment I saw him."

When she looked up she saw Isaac grin at Deena, who smirked back. It made her feel even more uneasy than when she'd sat down.

Damn her honesty. It never earned her anything but regret.

She probably should have just lied and told them she liked Ibrahim's abs more.