Always on the Run

5. A regretful change

Hi guys, here's a new chapter for you! I will try and update next weekend but I can't promise anything. I have a really busy week of work ahead but I'll do the best I can. I hope you enjoy this chapter. You know the drill. :)

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The flames lick up the side of the tin can and the heat warms my face. This is it.

Grabbing the plastic bag next to me, I tip the contents into the flame. The silicone mask is the first to start melting by the extreme heat but the rest of the clothes I put in with it catch alight very quickly too. It’s time to burn Linda. Taking the ID and scissors out of my pocket, I chop up the ID into small pieces then throw it into the flame.

I repeat the process for my Cindy and Julia ID’s. It’s time to get rid of my past identities once and for all. It’s too dangerous. That aside, Jamie is in jail and that’s all there is to it. I couldn’t save him, I couldn’t get him out. I failed. So because of that I need to move on. As much as I don’t want to and as much as I want him to be in my life, I can’t anymore. I can’t keep living this…this insane life. Today’s escape from the police confirmed that.

I take a step back when the flames reach high out of the can. The strange thing is, my heart aches. It’s like losing a part of Jamie. He helped me, he provided those identities but now I have to get rid of him. The only thing I have of his is the letter he left and the key. Sadly I need to dispose of them too. I can’t have any remnant of Jamie in my home. I don’t know if the police will ever find me as Teresa but I can’t take that risk. If they do, I need to make sure there’s nothing in here that could incriminate me.

I go inside and grab them then come back out. I throw the key in first but I wait on the letter. I read it one last time then place a kiss on it and before I can stop myself, I throw it into the flames. Then with a heavy heart, I turn away and go back inside.

As I make my way to the spare room, my feet feel like lead. I haven’t been in here since I last saw Jamie. It’s only been a few days but it feels like forever. I vowed I wouldn’t go in here anymore but now I have a reason to. Standing at the door, I grasp the handle but I don’t turn. I know the moment I walk in, those all too familiar desires will return. The temptation to open those amazing gifts will overwhelm me. But I must be strong. This part of my life is over.

After taking a deep breath, I turn the handle and push the door open. I run my hand up the wall until I find the switch and flick it on. The room lights up and the unopened gifts glitter like the sun shining on a blanket of snow. Tears spring to my eyes at the beauty. Those gifts. Those wonderful, amazing, beautiful gifts. I know they came about the wrong way but the pleasure I get from them makes it so worthwhile.

But now…it’s time they go. What do they say about addictions? That going cold turkey is sometimes the best way to cure oneself of it? Well this is what I’m doing. This can’t be my life anymore. If I keep them, the temptation will always be there. I can’t have that if I’m moving on. I need to be focused on my new life.

With a sigh, I step further into room and try to focus on one gift. Just one. It’s a small one and I conclude that if I can pick it up and throw it away without opening it, it’ll make the rest easier. I can do this.

Each step I take that brings me closer to the gift is harder and harder. It feels like I’m walking the plank. But rather than there being hungry crocodiles snapping their jaws waiting for their feed, what awaits me is nothingness. A life that makes no sense. A life riddled with guilt, unhappiness and unworthiness. I don’t know if I want to go back to that life.

Think about what life you can have, Teresa. Think about the choice you made when you got home after running from the police. That choice will bring your life meaning. It will bring you happiness. Think, Teresa.