Breaking Point ✔️| A story about Depression

🦋Chapter Thirteen🦋

........I'm the correction of your past mistakes, the activation of your future estate"......

Song for the chapter: Lewis Capaldi - Someone You Loved.
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Ashley was sure that her heart was broken. No it even stopped beating for two minutes and all she could hear was distant voices. Everyone around her sounded distant and she collapsed to the floor. She didn't pass out but then she felt numb and weak. This was the final blow, she knew it and she wasn't prepared for this one.

She sat there for almost thirty minutes not saying a thing but staring at the floor. Some of the women thought she was going crazy but she kept her cool. Life wasn't fair to Ashley and it didn't waste time to tell her that. She knew she wasn't important but then at least it should be a bit considerate and let her have people In her life.

Life made it clear that she wasn't needed. It took away Ayo, the only person that genuinely loved and cared for her apart from everyone including her parents. It slapped her hard in the face and she's lying faced down. She took one look at Mrs Adeshina who sobbed and wailed harder. The pain in Ashley's heart was getting heavier by the minute so she ran out of the house till she got to the gutter outside the gate and threw up her guts.

The cool wind blew against her face and she looked up. The sky was pitch black and they said God stayed there? Lairs... She thought. She kept on walking till she fell to her knees

"God!". She screamed as she cried. The weight on her heart was too much. A tricycle stopped but as she screamed again the driver drove as fast as he could.

"They said you are up there. You heal the sick and know everything that's going on. I'm tried. If you can hear me please take this pain away cause it's to heavy for my feeble shoulders to bear". It was as if her heart cracked open and she bled.

"I'm tired of this cycle that never ends. I'm tired of the pills and everything". It's true. She took pills and got tired at some point so she stopped taking them. The stupid smiley faces on them made her grow more tired.

"I'm tired of getting hurt over and over again"

"I'm tired of crying always"

"I'm tired of being bullied"

"I'm tired of loosing everyone around me". She was on the side of the road and crouching her knees like a baby. She remained like that sobbing peacefully, letting the mosquitoes feed on her happily. At least it was better than the pain she felt.

🦋

Ashley woke up to the vigorous tapping she felt on her laps. She twisted and turned then looked around her, it was the same place she laid in last night. How ironic, she couldn't sleep peacefully In her own house but here she slept like a baby on the roadside unprotected. She turned back to the person besides her. Her face was looking back at Ashley like she was a specimen. She tried to recall where she saw her before but then the fair lady beat her to it.

"Ashley. Oh my God. It's me Chioma". She squealed lifting Ashley up but Ashley didn't feel happy seeing her again.

"Sorry I heard what happened to your brother, Timi. May his soul rest in peace". Chioma seemed teary and pulled Ashley into a hug. Why did Chioma cry over Timi like he didn't use her and dump her : like she wasnt a one day stand.

"Come on. Let's go to somewhere more desolate". Chioma pulled her hand and flagged a tricycle and in no time they were leaving town, leaving the beautiful part of Lagos and heading to the clustered, brown zinc and hapharzad buildings. They got to their destination and Chioma paid the driver and started walking down a lonely path. Ashley tried to recall where she knew this place from. Oh it was the river she came to last night she thought. Her mind was like a sieve right now.

"I know this place". Ashley blurted out when they got to the calm river.

"I know". Chioma replied taking her shoes off and settling on the sand. Ashley did the same and kept quiet.

"Timi was a good person Ashley". Chioma began but Ashley didn't want to be reminded of the painful memory.

"That I killed yeah". She wiped a stray tear with her finger and Chioma paused.

"You killed him?. But the news said he was into drugs". Chioma's eyebrows creased in confusion and then Ashley poured out her heart to her. It doesn't matter anymore, she was not going to hold back because very soon she'll rest.

"Oh no Ash. That's- th-oh God that doesn't mean you killed him".

"But he asked me for the money and parcel. If I had given him one of them maybe he'll still be alive. Can't you see!". Ashley stood up screaming her guts out. She was tired of running all the time.

"The only thing I can see is a naive young girl who is blaming herself for nothing. Timi chose his path and he had a price to pay. Ashley it was him time, what is meant to be will be".

"What if I take my life?. Is it my time?". Ashley turned to Chioma.

"No, it's your decision".

Anxiety isn't an item you can return at the store. I was ten when I had my first panic attack like a punch to the stomach there was no planning for that and I didn't tell anyone cause I was too scared of what they would say, and I know deep down there was nothing they could do to take it away. It was my fight to fight, my battles to face. I remember that house I grew up in and how demons will rattle that place. I'd lay awake staring at the ceiling trying to run away from that feeling, that feeling of being lonely, that feeling of being lost, that feeling of being sick when the lights turn off, that feeling of being depressed, that feeling of being anxious, that feeling of screaming begging God to stop this......................................................... only to get fucking silence in return!.

anxiety is a bitch😔