The Healing Stage

The Best Part

Ever had a moment when you felt like the healing stage was the toughest to get through?

1 minute your taking 2 steps forward next minute taking 10 steps back to the hurting stage

Again why can't I pass this and go on to the next step?!

Constantly drowning in my sorrows 

Constantly feeling depressed

Shit just don't make no sense

I have a army of people who love and want to see me win

Constantly saying " Your not the one to blame" "Its not your fault"

Wish I can face and accept it

But in reality I feel like it is my fault

Always crying myself to sleep wishing i wouldn't wake up

I know that I shouldn't be thinking like this when my haters are praying for my downfall and them seeing me like this

All I hear is their laughter and applause 

I can feel my mom hugging me telling me to fight through this

I push the good people away and let the bad ones come near me

Then I be up wondering why mfs being doing me dirty

They constantly thinking that i'm deilrious, petty, choosy

Like I'm some big time loser 

But with them by my side I'm big time losing

How did I become so ruthless with the people I'm steady choosing?

You know there's a saying that goes "It's easier to hurt than to heal"

It's easier to put the blame on someone than to take it and own up to your mistake

Constantly questioning myself " Am I gonna  stop faking it, risk shit, face my fears and start winning again?"

If i die today then my story won't ever be heard because it was never told

Everytime I get back up to fight this pain i get hit, low blowed and fall into a deeper hole

The question I hear in my head is " Where do i go?"

My anxitey  makes me believe that I am alone

I look at all of the cuts that is on my arms and legs I call them my battle scars

And It shows me how much I had overcome and ho w far I made it

But will this healing stage ever get easy?