Off Track

Chapter 21

It wasn't until late Saturday afternoon that Olivia finally got a chance to talk to Dean. Ryan has finished all of his obligations for the day and needed to discuss some things with Jeremy and his spotter Josh for the next day. Olivia happened to see Dean standing around by himself, so she approached him.

"Are you upset with me over something?" She asked, not beating around the bush.

"No. Why?" He asked.

"I just feel like we haven't talked in a while. I miss you." She said.

"You look like you've been really busy with Ryan. I didn't want to bother you." Dean said, looking away.

"It just seems that ever since Ryan and I got together, you've been avoiding me." Olivia then realized Dean would not look her in the eye. "Can we go someplace private and talk? Please Dean."

He nodded and took her hand, leading her past the #12 garage stall to an empty garage a few yards away.

"I was worried when you told me that you and Ryan were seeing each other. He hadn't been himself for a while, but now, he seems more Ryan, so maybe that's because of you. I guess I should be glad for that."

"You guess? There is more going on than that Dean. Come on. I know you. What aren't you telling me?" She questioned.

Once again, he looked away. "I...ugh..I guess I have a little bit of a crush on Ryan. Crazy I know. I know nothing will ever come of it. He's straight obviously, and he's also like a brother to me. I couldn't help it though. I mean, look at him. I was a little jealous. Of you, and I hate feeling that way." He looked so embarrassed, that Olivia's heart went out to him. It couldn't be easy for him, being homosexual in a sport dominated by men.

"I'm sorry Dean. I can't even imagine how awkward that must feel." She tried to sympathize, but it was impossible to put herself in his place.

"Are you happy Liv?" He asked sincerely.

"I am. But I would be even happier if I knew what I could say or do to make you happy. You are my best friend Dean, and I don't want to lose you."

"You love him." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I do. Very much." She replied.

"I can tell by the way he looks at you that he loves you too. That's all I ever wanted for you Liv. For both of you, is to be happy."

"So does this mean my relationship with Ryan is not going to come between us?" Olivia asked hopefully.

Dean grinned at her. "Of course it's not. You're way too important to me."

Feeling relieved, she wrapped her arms around him in a big hug, which he returned, squeezing her tightly,holding on for a long time, then placing a kiss on top of her head.

When Olivia finally broke free from Dean's embrace, she looked up, and saw Ryan standing a few yards away. His face a mixture of anger and hurt. Oh God, surely he didn't think there was anything romantic between her and Dean. She then realized how it might have looked to other people.

"Ryan. Wait." She called out. He was already gone. "Ryan. Stop. Please." Olivia pleaded, after finally catching up with him.

He turned to face her, his blue eyes the same mixture of hurt and anger that she had just seen.

"Ryan, that was not what it looked like." She began, but he cut her off.

"What exactly was it Olivia. Did I not just see you in the arms of another man?"

"I told you we are just friends." She argued.

"How can I be sure his interest in you is not more than just friends?"

"It's not Ryan. I told you that. You are just going to have to trust me on this. That's all I can say."

"I don't know if I can. I want to, but I've been burned before. It's hard when I know you are hiding something from me. Or maybe it's him I don't trust. I don't even know anymore. I thought we were open with each other, but obviously we're not." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Like I told you Ryan, you're just going to have to trust me. It's not my place to tell. If you can't do that, then maybe we shouldn't even be together."

She turned around and ran off. Ryan was torn between going after her or just giving them some space when Dean walked up.

"We need to talk Ryan." He said.

"Fine. Talk." He glared at Dean.

"Olivia is my friend. That's it."

"So I'm supposed to believe that you have no romantic interest in her whatsoever?" Ryan questioned.

"No. I don't." Dean stated emphatically.

"What are the two of you hiding that's so big that you can't tell me? I think of all of you on the team as family. I thought it went both ways."

"I'm gay." Dean blurted out.

Ryan stood there in shock, not knowing what to say.

"That's the secret, my secret that Olivia was trying to protect. So now you know."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Ryan asked.

"Be real Ryan. This is NASCAR. Can you imagine the backlash if this gets out? Not to mention I have a little bit of a crush on you. I managed to keep that little tidbit of information from Olivia until now. I figured since we're getting it out in the open, I might as well get it all out."

"Dean...I..I don't even know what to say." Ryan stammered.

"Yeah. Quite the bombshell huh. Don't worry. I'm not gonna make a move on you or anything. If it makes you feel too awkward, I can see about getting transferred to another team."

"No. You're staying on my team. I'm not losing the best tire carrier I've ever had. I could care less about your sexual orientation. I told you we are family."

"If you're sure, then okay. Thanks. Just please don't say anything. I'm not ready to come out."

"You have my word. If you ever need someone to talk to, come to me, or to Livvy."

"Thanks again man. I appreciate it. I have to say this though. Olivia is the kindest, most caring person I ever met. She also has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. Don't break it."

*******

Olivia heard the door open to Ryan's room. She stared at the adjoining door, debating whether to knock, or wait to see if he would come to her. She hesitated. Just go to him, she said to herself.

She stood up, and walked to the door. She hesitated for a moment, then knocked. At the exact same time, he knocked on his side.

"Livvy, I..."

She cut him off. "If this is going to work Ryan, you have to be able to trust me."

"I do trust you Livvy. Dean told me everything. The fact that you were unwilling to break someone's confidence shows how trustworthy you are."

"So you understand why I didn't tell you? You understand now that there is nothing going on with Dean and me, that we are just friends?"

"I understand. I kind of lost it when I saw you in his arms. I had flashbacks of Lauren, when I caught her with Denny."

Olivia had not  thought about that before. "Ryan, I'm not Lauren. I know she burned you, but I would never do that to you."

"I know you're not Lauren. You're nothing like Lauren and I'm thankful for that. It just upset me seeing it. I jumped to conclusions, which I shouldn't have because I know you're better than that. It was a gut reaction, but now I know the whole story. I'm so sorry baby. I know you get tired of hearing that."

"Do you think we could possibly go a whole week without having some kind of argument?" Olivia smiled.

He smiled back. "We could, but making up is so much fun."