Off Track

Chapter 37

Ryan finally arrived home, and Olivia practically pushed him out of the door, not giving him a chance to do anything.

"I...uh. I'm having a little spotting. The nurse says it probably nothing to be worried about, but I'm anxious to get there." Olivia explained.

"Why didn't you call me? I could have finished up early." Ryan asked, worry etched all over his handsome face.

"Because it's common at this stage in the pregnancy. I did call the doctors office, and they said it was probably nothing. I didn't want to worry you." She said, hoping she didn't sound as freaked out as she felt.

"But I am worried, and I can tell you are too." He said. Of course he could see right through her.

********

Olivia and Ryan arrived at the doctors office, and the nurse, remembering Olivia's call and sensing their anxiety, brought them right to the exam room. Another nurse entered to draw some blood. Routine prenatal labs she explained.

While changing into a gown, Olivia noticed the spotting had increased slightly.

She didn't want to alarm Ryan, but something didn't feel right. "Ry. It's a little worse." She said, fighting back tears.

"How much worse?" He squeezed her hand, trying to remain calm for her sake.

"It's not bad, but a little more than it was earlier." She said a silent prayer in her head that everything was okay.

Finally the doctor arrived, and Olivia could not hold it in. "I started spotting a little earlier, not a lot, but now it's a little more."

The doctor nodded. "I saw your message from earlier. We're going to take a look and see what's going on." The doctor spoke reassuringly.

Olivia lifted her gown, and the doctor squeezed some cold gel onto her stomach, causing Olivia to suck in her breath slightly.

"Sorry about that. I should have given you a heads up." The doctor smiled apologetically.

After moving the wand over Olivia's stomach for several moments, her smile faded slightly. "Olivia, are you sure you're eight weeks?" She asked.

"Yes. I guess I could be off though. Is everything okay?" Olivia asked, trying to hold in her anxiety.

"I'm not able to pick up anything, but it could just be that you're not as far along as you thought. I can make out the embryonic sac, but there's nothing in there. I'm going to switch out to a vaginal ultrasound. Maybe then we can get a better look."

"Okay." Olivia whispered, feeling Ryan squeeze her hand tighter. She was afraid to look at him.

The doctor placed Olivia's feet in stirrups. "I need you to relax for me okay." The doctors reassuring tone was back, but her smile looked forced.

Olivia tried to relax, taking several long, slow breaths, but she watched as the doctors forced smile fade. She knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

"What is it? What do you see? Is there anything there?" She asked nervously.

"Just sit tight Olivia. I need to go and check something. I'll be right back."

Olivia could not hold back her tears. Seeing the tear slip out of her eye, Ryan gently wiped it away with his thumb. "Do you know what's going on?" He asked in a soft, slightly panicked tone.

"She either can't find the embryonic sac, or the sac is empty." She said in a whisper, not trusting herself to speak the words out loud.

Before Ryan could ask anything else, the doctor returned to the room. She was holding a paper from the lab, as well as a couple of pamphlets that neither Ryan or Olivia could make out.

She sat down and took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm so sorry Olivia. The embryonic sac is empty. It's called a...."

"A blighted ovum." Olivia finished in a flat tone.

The doctor nodded. "I was hoping that it was because your dates were off. I wanted to check your labs first, and unfortunately, your hcg levels have dropped way down. They are significantly lower than your initial labs, which they should be more than doubled. I'm so sorry."

"Wait. What does all of this mean? Blighted what? Hcg levels. Please tell me what's going on?" The panic was now very evident in Ryan's voice.

"It's a condition that occurs when a gestational sac develops without an embryo.
It occurs when an embryo never develops, or stops developing. No one knows for sure what causes it, but it's most likely believed to be an abnormality in the chromosomes. It's usually noticed in the first weeks of pregnancy. Many women miscarry naturally, many others, as in your case find out during an ultrasound." The doctor explained gently.

Olivia glanced at Ryan. He looked devastated. She felt like her heart was breaking. If it weren't for the falling hcg levels, they might take a wait and see approach, just in case she was not as far along as she believed. However, the fact that her hormone levels had dropped so drastically was a clear sign that her body had already begun to recognize that she was no longer pregnant. Waiting would do no good. Furthermore, it could be weeks before the inevitable miscarriage took place.

"We could either wait and allow the miscarriage to happen naturally, or we could perform a D&C to remove the tissue. It's your decision. I've brought you some literature to read on the condition, and also the treatment options and pros and cons of allowing for a natural miscarriage vs surgical options. You don't have to make your decision right now. You can take some time to discuss it." The doctors eyes were kind and sympathetic as she handed them the pamphlets.

A switch flipped in Olivia. She couldn't deal with this. The pain of the loss was to great, and she forced herself to become detached, going into self preservation mode as she spoke.

"What is the recovery time for a D&C and how soon can we have it done?" Olivia asked, ignoring the pamphlets that were now in Ryan's hand.

"You can return to regular activities like work within one or two, maybe three days. However, it will take your body a couple of weeks to recover. During that time you will most likely experience some bleeding and cramping, and you will need to avoid intercourse during that time." The doctor explained.

"When is the soonest it can be done? We are leaving Thursday for Kansas." Olivia asked.

"I can perform it this evening, after office hours if you don't want to wait." The doctor replied.

"Sweetheart, we don't have to do this now. You don't have to rush it. Someone can fill in for you this weekend. I can even have someone fill in for me if necessary. I'm locked in, remember." Ryan said to her.

"I don't want to wait. I just want to put this behind me and get on with my life. The sooner things get back to normal, the better." Olivia argued.

As devastated as Ryan was, he was more concerned for Olivia. The way she was acting and talking was not like her at all. She seemed to be void of any emotion. Maybe that was her way of coping with the loss, but it was completely out of character for her. They needed to grieve, but she was more interested in putting it behind her. He knew it was her choice, and she seemed bound and determined to do it this way. Everyone grieves differently, if this was what she wanted, he was not going to try and change her mind, but he had to ask.

"Are you sure?" He asked her.

She nodded. "Let's do it." She said to the doctor. Her voice dull and flat.

A/N: I'm not gonna lie. I cried writing this. It's been a long time since I cried over one of my own stories. I can't tell you how many times I second guessed myself. I was tempted to write it differently, I actually had a few drafts of a different outcome, but in the end, I went with my original plan. I am still second guessing myself, and half wishing I had gone a different way. In the end, I decided to go with the drama, which in turn, prolongs the story. Maybe that was my intent, not wanting to let go. Anyway, I'm babbling I know. Please don't hate me for this.