poetic ᶜᴴᴱᴺˢᵁᴺᴳ ✔

열여덟.

ｗｉｓｈ
──────────

the moment I remembered
the pen I later found out I lost,
is the moment I now regret the most.

I took steps forward,
the class in my view,
as I returned there
without any clue.

then I saw you reading it
you noticed me seeing you.
wish I could turn back the time
wish I have never moved.

maybe you wanted to speak
but I didn't listen.

I turned around and ran
ran
ran
ran
while there you still stood
I ran so fast—like a blast,
ran the furthest my legs could.

the tears blurred my sight,
streaming down my cheeks,
having an imaginary fight,
wetting the tips of my sleeves.

I cried endlessly 
until the sun rose the next day
but the choking pain in my chest
still outside found its way.

I wish I never was.
I wish I could vanish—just like that.
I wish I could choose not to be.
I wish to unnoticeably leave.

I wish you never picked up the trash
—my stupid feelings written down
I tore into bits in one quick lash.

Jisung, why did you care?
why don't you play fair?
I want to let you go
my head hanging low.

but somehow—it's still hard
for me to end the game,
to discard the last card.