𝖉𝖆𝖞6 𝖔𝖓𝖊-𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖙𝖘 { 𝖘𝖑𝖔𝖜 }

congratulations. | dowoon

tw ; mentions of suicide

dowoon's pov

dowoon's hands were clammy and sweaty. am i going to really do this?

[voice recorder] click.

i don't know how i can describe the pain you caused me. 

really? did you really have to use someone else to hurt me? did you really have to- you know what? never mind.

because of you, i don't know what true love is. i don't know what my feelings are. i don't know what it feels like to be truly loved and appreciated.

but what i now know is that my feelings don't matter, my opinions are irrelevant and i'm just a toy to please you. you never loved me.

oh, just continue spreading lies about me. i don't really give two fucks anymore. if you can tarnish my reputation, i don't see why you can't end my will to live. so, why am i recording this? who am i? what is my objective?

did i forget to introduce myself? haha, my name is yoon dowoon. i'm 22 this year.

yes, jung y/n. you're hearing this from your ex himself. i cant fucking fathom why you had to break me into so many pieces and after that push me aside. am i a joke to you? am i... just a toy? a second choice? 

listen. if you didn't love me in the first place, why did you even have to act like you did? you told me you liked two people at once and got rejected by one of them. i accepted you. but ever since you had feelings again for him, you started to ignore me, breaking my glass heart. 

you started to lie about not being in a relationship with me. when i confronted you, you always denied about hiding our relationship. i don't understand, y/n, if you loved someone else why didn't you tell me earlier? we could have broken up before i got too attached.

anyways, you broke my heart, made my friends turn away from me, even made my parents lose trust in me. you told the world that i was unsupportive of you being a k-idol. you told various news outlets that i abused you. you ruined me. you ruined my life.

once, you went to a bar at night without telling me and you got sexually harassed and beaten up. i was working late that night at my new office when i got a call from some random stranger claiming that you got harassed. when reporters showed up at your house, you told them i was at the bar with you but i watched the harassers beat you and fuck the life out of you. what kind of delusional life are you leading? why are you just treating me as if i am just a punching bag for you to vent your anger at? just because you had a bad day at work, it doesn't mean that you can abuse me because i was your boyfriend?

every damn time, when i open the news app on my phone, its always some stupid fake news about me abusing you or our relationship being toxic. i don't fucking understand you.

since my reputation has been tarnished, i don't see a reason to live anymore. i have nobody and all i have is me and its getting too hard.

i heard you just got into a relationship with someone else. really, wow girl congratulations. jung y/n, im warning you. even if i don't know your current boyfriend that well, don't think of hurting him. and with my best wishes, goodbye.

[voice recorder] click.

dowoon put the recorder down.

send to 'xxx-xxxx-xx'?

yes | no

message has been sent.

he glanced up at the bottle of antidepressants on the table. ever since things started going downhill in the relationship, he stopped eating the pills. why fake happiness when you aren't expressing your true feelings? 

he didnt know what to do. she literally ruined his life. what was he to do? nobody, not even his family, trusted him anymore. just because of his stupid abusive ex.

and why did he accept to date his ex? out of pity. they were friends from high school before the relationship but after that his ex confessed to him. he thought that rejecting her would end their friendship but apparently it ended his friendships with his other friends. ha, what a big mistake.

dowoon sighed. maybe it was really time for him to go like what his ex screamed at him everyday. the death threats he received from his ex's fans weren't any better. 

he made up his mind and grabbed the bottle of antidepressants. he unscrewed the cap and poured its content into his hands. he then proceeded to swallow all 30 of the pills in less than 10 minutes.

 was he really fated to be living a life like this?

he started to feel like shit because of the overdose and a headache quickly built up. he felt his head pound coupling with a sharp pain in his stomach. he doubled over on his knees, clutching his stomach while wincing in pain as his vision blurred. 

'goodbye, world...' 

and that was the end of a man who had a potentially bright future to only be ruined by a girl.

end.

a/n : sorry i took so long to update lol i had a tiny tiny writer's block ahaha >< this is my first time writing about suicide so sorry if its shit or if it doesn't make any sense cuz iono what suicide feels like (what am i even saying) and uhh yeah i will update again if i have time and the inspiration fsldkdldkd 

btw thank you all for all your support cuz i got ranked as #19 in drum im dljnfjewnfjw aaaaaand im out

- est <3