WISHING FOR AUTUMN | kth

09 | RAINBOWS

THE TURBULENCE BARELY registered in taehyung's mind as he stared out the small window of the airplane. the place he had come to call home was still visible, looking like antlike structures from his view. it made him think of seeing the stars as small glittering specks of light from the ground.

his mind was whirling with too many thoughts at once and he was unable to fixate on one for more than a second. it felt like so much had happened in such little time and he'd not been prepared for any of it, nor had he fully wrapped his head around any of it.

he thought of everything that had led him to this point, even the smallest things that seemed like mere coincidences at first. he thought of autumn's eyes and her smile and the first time he realised he'd fallen for them. for her.

the moment she seemed to become the centre of his universe and he found himself gravitating towards her with a force that rivalled the earth's.

it only took a moment for everything to change. he was coming to realise that more often as time went past. only a singular moment could alter everything in an instant, whether for better or worse.

yoongi's words echoed in his head. both taehyung and autumn had borne survivor's guilt following gavin's tragic demise, the weight of hers much heavier than his. after all, he had died trying to save her. taehyung squeezed his eyes shut as the image of the speeding pickup truck throwing a frantic gavin fifteen feet in the air just as he got autumn out of the way played in his head.

it had all happened so fast, taehyung hadn't been able to process it on time. he had stood frozen in shock on the other side of the road for more than a minute, unable to believe what he'd seen. it'd been autumn's piercing shriek of horror that jolted him out of his temporary immobility.

he'd felt sick for days after. but she was in an even worse state. for the longest time, autumn had been an empty shell, a complete shadow of herself. she barely ate, couldn't sleep, and whenever she did, it was riddled with nightmares. it took a long while for her to regain some level of normalcy in her life. and even then, taehyung could see that it wasn't the same. she wasn't the same.

it was time for a change. hopefully for the better. he needed it. autumn needed it more.

his mind jumped back to only less than an hour ago. to autumn's pleading face. her hands holding on to him frantically, not ready to let go. it reminded him of how his heart was unwilling to let her go.

he hadn't thought she would come. but she showed up, hair, a mess of tied up curls, dark circles underneath her eyes. he could instantly tell she wasn't doing so well even when she tried to give him a reassuring smile.

she wanted him to stay and not leave her. taehyung didn't want to leave her either but he had to, at least for a little while. or he'd continue to feel like she was putting up a front for his sake, to make him feel better. but he wanted her to get better for herself and no one else. he didn't know if being apart from her was the wisest decision. but he knew she needed to heal her heart. that she was the only one who could truly do that.

so he forced himself to take a difficult decision. one that he could only hope would benefit the both of them. still he couldn't shirk the feeling that kept nagging at him. the feeling that had him questioning if he was really making the right decision. if he wasn't taking a drastic step down the wrong path.

taehyung let out a heavy, shaky breath. his gaze flickered out the window of the airplane again, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of something – anything – that could distract him.

the sky was a clear almost crystal blue in spite of the light showers, the clouds like airy wisps of sweet cotton candy showered with powdered sugar. it was such a glaring contrast to the state of taehyung's mind that he could have laughed.

he rested his head against the back of his seat, still staring out the window. his eyes traced the shapes of the clouds, trying to find a pattern where there was none. then he saw it. taehyung sat up in his chair quickly, finding instant fascination in the sight.

a rainbow.

he pressed his face to the glass, trying to find out if it was possible to see at least one end of the rainbow from his place in the sky. instead, what he saw was a full circle of the brilliant spectrum of light. gawking in an awe, taehyung nearly forgot to take a picture of what he knew to be a rare sight.

he vaguely remembered hearing something about wishing on rainbows. he didn't know how true it was but he was going to try either way. putting his camera aside, taehyung squeezed his eyes shut tight. and mumbled the first words that glowed in his mind.

"please be healthy and happy, autumn."

opening his eyes, he found the rainbow still there, as vivid and stunning as ever. and he prayed that autumn found an even more beautiful and vibrant rainbow when the storm she was passing through came to an end.