Captive{ated}

Twenty-Nine: Home

"Miss Evelyn," Tabitha shyly asked one day after class. All the other students ran home without their jackets, spring finally having arrived. Most of the snow had melted, and while there was still some left here and there, it felt like a heat wave.

She stood just before my desk, so quiet that I hadn't even heard her approach. She was dressed in a blue that complemented her signature red ribbon. My eyes widened seeing her there. Normally, she was so shy that I had to be the one to talk to her, though it wasn't because she didn't like me. "Yes, Tabitha?" I smiled at her.

I noticed she was looking down, pulling at the ends of her dress. How could a child be so anxious at such a young age? Her voice came out so low it was just above a whisper. I had to strain to hear her ask, "Can you tell me about the Outside?"

I sat back, my smile fading. I had reached the point where I stopped thinking about the Outside so much to alleviate the burden in my chest, but now here this young girl stood. Other than you and sometimes Becca, no one had really asked me about life before the Village. It was now a time that felt so far away. "I'm sorry, but I'm not supposed to talk about that here."

"Why not, though?"

Because it'll only put more ideas in to your head. Ideas of freedom, liberty, of a world much bigger than the one inside this damned fence.

"I don't know, it's just a rule," I lied with a straight face.

"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "I don't like rules."

You and me both. Still, seeing her so dejected made me fill with guilt. My shoulders slackened as I looked at her, "Why do you ask?"

Her lips began to tremble and her eyes watered. "Daddy is always gone Outside and Mommy is always busy with my brothers."

She didn't continue, but I finished her thought for her, "You want to know where your Daddy goes all the time," I breathed. Bowden was one of the few responsible for leaving the fence on a regular basis and coming back with more materials. While the Village was mainly self-sufficient, they did provide us with some luxuries we couldn't make on our own. "Here, let's go sit down," I said to the sniffling girl as I led her to her desk and taking a seat beside her.

I faced a huge, internal dilemma. What was I to do? I had known for a long while that Tabitha felt as though she wasn't wanted at home as much as her younger siblings. It's normal for the oldest child to feel that way, especially when the father is gone so often to a place she doesn't understand. Placing a hand on her back, I was delicate, gentle. Before this, I wasn't the best with children and I still wasn't, but I could sure try. "He doesn't leave because he wants to leave you alone," I consoled her. "It's not that he likes the Outside more than you. He loves it here. The Village is his home."

"I want to go with him, though," she whined. "I want to see it."

I wondered where her strong desire to see the Outside came from. It wasn't from the books she read. The Village censored books that contained aspects about the Outside from the children to dissuade something like this from happening, but if a child gets an idea in their head, there is no stopping them. "But Tabitha, don't you like it here?"

God, why was I trying so hard to convince her that this is where she belonged?

"Yes, but what if I like it Outside more? Then I can go with Daddy all the time," she explained. "Daddy says Outside isn't safe for girls, especially little ones, but that's where you came from and you're okay."

It was funny because the most unsafe I ever felt was here within this fence. What do I say? Do I risk losing my job? Do I lie in the face of this girl who is just begging for more attention from her parents?