Captive{ated}

Thirty: Grief

I didn't have to say a word before you jumped in to the freezing water, not pausing even a moment to take your shoes off.

I stood shaking on the beach, never feeling so chilled. My breathing was raspy, my fear having to be released somehow. "No, no, no," I kept recounting myself under my breath. It couldn't be. I was wrong.

I had to be wrong.

But when you got to the source of the shining red ribbon and undid whatever it was stuck on, I found myself running knee deep in to the water, not even feeling its icy tendrils nipping at me.

Tabitha laid in your arms.

Throwing off a bag that was wrapped around her, you turned to me, your face clouded in dread. The bag sunk below the surface, but neither of us cared at the moment. You swam slower now as you carried the fragile body, trying desperately to keep her head above water in lieu of your own falling beneath the surface. No matter how fast you swam, it wouldn't have been quick enough.

"Hurry, Caleb!" My voice was shrill. "Please, God, let her be alright!" I begged to myself though she hadn't moved the tiniest muscle. Upon realizing that God had not answered a single one of my pleas since being here, I did the unthinkable. I called out to Them. "Please, Gods, take care of her and- and I'll worship you. I'll honor you. Anything. Just let her be okay." Already feeling sick to my stomach, the words felt like bile in my throat.

You made it to shore, running with her in your arms to let her down on the dry sand. "She hasn't moved," your voice shook. "She's so cold." You looked directly at me then, and it was a look I wished I had never seen on you: utter hopelessness. As you stood frozen, unprepared, not knowing what more to do, I went in to action.

"Get the blanket," I ordered as I kneeled near Tabitha. Her crimson ribbon looked even brighter against her pale white, nearly grey skin. Her lips were blue, eyes closed.  She had no heartbeat.

You draped the blanket on her as I did the only thing I could: CPR. It had been a long time since I learned it, but it came back to me the moment I placed my hands on her chest. My God, she was so cold. "Come on," I begged as I fell in to the rhythm. You kneeled beside me, seeming just as pale and frozen as the young girl. "Wake up!" I commanded angrily.

How dare she not listen? How could she? She was always such a good student and listened to every word I said. Why didn't she now? Hot tears fell from my face and landed on hers.

This continued on and on until my arms grew tired and I'm sure her chest bruised. "Just wake up!" I screamed so loud the entire Village must've heard.

It was then that you put your hand on my shoulder, stopping me. My whole body trembled. Sweat poured down my forehead. "She's gone," you whispered.

I snapped on you, "She can't be! How dare you!" My voice broke. More quietly, I repeated, "How dare you."

I turned back to Tabitha, ready to start the compressions again, but you grabbed my both shoulders this time, stopping me before I could do anymore damage. Your eyes held so much remorse as they pleaded to me. "She's as cold as ice, Evelyn. Her lips are blue," you said softly though I just yelled at you. "She's probably been out here for hours."

Your words broke me only because I knew them to be true. I knew them to be true the entire time, but I tried to save her by some miracle anyway. I fell in to your arms, your wet shirt soaking right through me, and cried. "How didn't we hear her? She had to have cried for help," I sobbed, "We were right here."

Speechless, you only shook your head and held me close.

I had heard too many screams in my time in the Village, but none were quite as devastating, heart-wrenching, or blood chilling as that of a mother screaming for her child.