Ms.Independent & Mr.Egotistical

4. What Do I Want?

Adam’s father announced the Nikah was about to happen. He handed the microphone to the Imam. He started to say few duas. I quickly put my scarf over my head and bring both of my hands to my face. I recite the duas along with the Imam.  They preceded the steps of the Nikah.  First the proposal of marriage from Nadir,. The consent of the Aliza comes next; she’s in the other room. Bride and groom are not allowed to be in the same room when this is happening. Then the giving of mahr (is a obligatory payment, in the form of money or possessions paid by the groom, that becomes the wife if something happens to the husband). And last but not least, the acknowledgement of the witnesses (two males from each side). Then we end with a dua. A smile reaches my lips, MashAllah, she’s married.

A queue of music started, signaling that the bride is entering. Aliza, entered with a trail of girls around her. She looked absolutely beautiful, her eyes looked down. Her radiance enamored the crowd. She slowly made her way up to the stage.

The couple was surrounded by people, who congratulated them and to take pictures with them. Food is served around this time. I walked up to the stage and go to her.

“Aliza!!!! Congrats! Nadir, you better treat her like a queen!” I said. Nadir laughed and Aliza smiled shyly. I sat down next her and took a photo with them.

“You know I thought you would be up here before me.” She whispered.

“Aliza, you’re hilarious. Anyways lets not talk about. Call me during the honeymoon. Tell me all the details!” I said while avoiding that conversation. It seems like I’ve been doing that a lot. She laughed and nodded her head. I gave them their gift…two envelopes.

I leave the stage and grab Atif, so my dad can grab food. I start playing with him. I felt a tap on shoulder. I turned around to see a very annoyingly handsome man, Zayed. I raise my eyebrows with a questioning look.

“I’m a friend of Nadir’s.” He said with a smirk. Atif pulled at my dress, so I pick him up.

“Oh...”I stated.

“Serena, go get food. I’ll take Atif for now.” I turned around to see Adam. To see Zayed’s very confused face was hilarious. Atif gladly jumped into Adam’s arms.

“Addie!” yelled Atif in excitement. It sounded like he was trying to saying Daddy. Adam pushed me towards the line, as he eyed up Zayed.

“Zayed…I’m Nadir’s friend. And I’m also an acquaintance of Serena.” He said. Acquaintance, my ass.

“Oh, I’m Adam…Aliza’s brother. Anyways I’ll take him to your mom when she’s done.” He mumbled and started to walk off with Atif.  Zayed followed me to the dinner line.

“I did not know you were married! I’m sorry about me being so rude to you.” He mumbled. I could not contain my laughter; he stared at me with confusion. I raised my left ring-less hand.

“Besides, you think my husband would just walk off like that?” I asked. The  food line was really long.

“It was an honest mistake! You held that kid like he was your own!” he whispered.

“Because he’s my nephew…” I said. He looked down and smiled. Zayed is an attractive man and he knows it. His intense eyes, look absolutely cold. But his features are sharp and if he spoke like gentlemen, trust me he could get any woman he wants. Now if he wasn’t such a piece of crap.

“So, who was he to you?” asked Zayed. Is he jealous or truly curious? I was about to answer but something stopped my voice. I looked in Adam’s direction and I saw him speaking to a girl. Not any girl, but a girl who was in love with him. It was Sara, the girl who made my life a living hell because she loves him. Anyone but her….Adam…. no. Zayed waved his hand in front of my eyes. I looked at him and then at Adam, who looked at me and then smiled at Sara. He knows what he’s doing.

“Excuse me.” I said. I walked out of the line and spotted my purse, grabbed it.  I said goodbye to my parents and Atif. They were so confused on why I was leaving so early. If he’s going to be cruel like that, there is no way I could stay. He knows very well how much that woman hates my guts. I swiftly leave without anyone noticing.

I was walking down the long hallway while I heard my name ring out the hallway. I kept walking as soon as I realized who was calling me. I felt this hand wrap around my arm, pulling me back. I finally stopped and turned around.

“Why are you crying? Huh? Shouldn’t that be me?” he asked.

“Adam, that’s not fair, you know.”

“What am I not allowed to talk to her? It’s not like me and you are together.” He said. I looked into his eyes; I searched for the old Adam.

“You asshole, before we were together you were my best friend. I expected you would be kind enough not affiliate with a woman who drove me insane in high school and college. She drove me crazy because you were in love with me and not her. And you go back to very woman who made me feel like pure shit.” I whispered in a furious tone.

“That Adam who was kind and courteous is gone. You expect me to be okay with the fact that you broke up with me because you were bored of me?” I was silent for a moment; I was trying to gather my head together.

“Adam….I was never bored of you. Adam, you were first best friend and first love. I just tell people that we broke up because I wanted something new but you know that’s not the reason. I have been in love with you, Adam. The reason was because you changed into a man I could no longer could be with. You did not respect my wishes. You did not defend me when I needed you to defend me. You were no longer the guy who protected me. You knew very well, that I did not want to get married right away. But you were rushing it along. You were scared of your parents, made me look like the typical terrible daughter in law. You made me look like I was changing you; you know what your mother said about to other aunites. I thought I was gonna marry the guy who saved me from my insanity. I don’t know you anymore, Adam.” I said while tears came down. Adam’s hand slowly fell from my arm. He looked defeated.

“Serena, we can change that. Lets go back to before.” He said while his voice quivered.

“See? That’s thing I don’t want the same relationship we had before. Besides, I’m still not ready to be anyone’s wife. Khuda Hafiz, Adam.” I turned around and walked away.

“Then, Serena what do you want?” he asked in utter desperation.

I ignored the question. I walked to the valet and waited. My car came within five minutes. I got into my car and started to drive immediately. I drove and drove with one question in my mind, what do I want? I tell myself and others that I don’t love him like I use to…but when I see him, I can’t help but feel the love that I use to feel.

The minute I parked my car in my garage tears just went down my face.

What do you want? I thought to myself. Freedom? Love? Peace? Happiness?

I wish I knew…

           

The picture is the outfit she's wearing for my visual people!

love you guys!

-Anam