Why Are We (Best) Friends?

Duck

Loosen Up
May 26th, 2017.

Tiny little sips did Patton take, swishing the liquid around before swallowing each drop. Cautious. Procrastinating. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Why are you so embarrassed? I've seen you so drunk that if you weren't a figment of imagination, the police could have been outlining your dead body in chalk the next morning. You don't have anything to be shy about," he said. Patton glared at him. "That's exactly what's so embarrassing!" He shrieked. "It's bad enough knowing that happened! I don't want a repeat!"

"That's the whole point of this, Pat. I'm here so you don't get completely pissed like that again. And if you do, I'll stop you from being stupid."

...

"I'm always stupid," Patton mumbled into his next sip. Albeit, it was a slightly bigger sip. Remus would have argued with Patton, but he hadn't planned a heart to heart and felt rather unprepared. At least he knew Patton had already drunk enough to not think too hard about what he was saying. Baby steps.

Turned out the snowball effect settled in soon after that. The more Patton drank the less he thought to regulate himself so he drank more. Remus discovered that night that Patton became efficiently, drunkenly relaxed at five cans of... whatever collection of concoctions Patton had mixed up.

"Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait! If I'm a figment of Thomas's imagination, but you're Thomas's imagination, does that mean you could, like, make me," Patton made a charade of what would have resembled an explosion if he still had his fine motor skills intact, "poof? If you wanted?"

Patton had had six cans and was on his seventh.

Remus blinked at him. There was some semblance of sense in that thinking, and Remus did love a good "what if?" question. "I don't know..." he said. "Why don't you try?!" Patton exclaimed, bouncing in his seat. Remus for a split second thought of how adorable Patton's excitement was—

"Hell no!" He snapped. Patton whined. Sulking, he flopped back down in his chair like a voodoo doll that had just been angrily launched into a wall. "You're s'posed to be fun!" Patton chugged the rest of his can and didn't bother to put it down. Instead, it just toppled and rolled out of his lax grasp.

"If it worked then you wouldn't exist anymore!"

"So?"

Remus also discovered that Patton's attitude was just as bad as Virgil's. At least Remus knew his limits now for future reference.

"Well if you stopped existing you wouldn't know if it worked or not because you wouldn't exist," Remus reasoned, and he wanted to scrub his tongue with soapy sandpaper.

"...What if we tried it on Roman?"

"Damn you, that's tempting."

Multimedia
August 30th, 2017.

"Heya Remus—" Out of all the anarchy encapsulated in the room, Patton instantly fixated on the razor. The blade devilishly glinted. Patton glared at the offending mustache slayer.

"Don't you dare."

"Patton! I was just—"