Lost Heaven | Vkook | ENG

6: Missing you

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"You're mine."
...

I haven't been out of this nightmare for days. Everything was ruined, when he gone. It's like, when I'm running all the time in my dreams, but falling to my knees. No matter how hard I tried, the more I tried to erase him from my head, the more I got hurt.

I wasn't leaving my house. I was sleeping during the day, taking pictures at night and watching a lot of movies. I was always trying to get my attention somewhere else, but every time I thought about why I was doing it, I was going back to the beginning. I didn't answer my phone that was ringing all the time, I had a bunch of messages coming in, but I didn't want to pick it up. It probably wasn't from Taehyung, and I was too weak to even handle such disappointment.

Jimin was so worried about me. He'd called many times for days, but I always texted him back. When he heard my voice, he would knew that something was wrong. Actually, I needed him a lot. At times like this, I used to lay myself on his shoulder and silence my head. But this time, I felt more comfortable on the shoulder of my loneliness.

My house was still a mess. That room that Taehyung and I were staying in, it was still the same. I haven't set foot in this room, since he left.

I had a terrible feeling. I hadn't spoken to anyone in days, everything was building up inside me. I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't talk. I couldn't let the tears fall from my eyes. Everything was piling up inside me and it wasn't good at all.

It was four at night, and I was lying on my bed, editing photos of Taehyung on the computer. It was like I was digging my own wound. Every time I looked into his eyes, the pain in my chest was knotting my throat. I was in pain, and I felt it in my bones.

The smell of cigarettes everywhere didn't seem familiar to me anymore. I never opened my window and there was nothing in the room, but the smell of cigarettes. It's been a while since I've seen the sun. It was born just when I was asleep, but I couldn't even see it because of the black curtains, and by the time I woke up, it was already gone. I wanted to sleep all the time. Because I couldn't handle myself anymore. I was getting angry and I was messing things up. If there wasn't sleeping pills, I could have burned down the house. I had lost control. I couldn't afford myself.

I thought a lot. What could be the reason for Taehyung's behavior? But what we went through couldn't be a lie. He loved me, he hugged me, he kissed me, he breathed my scent, it couldn't be a lie. What he said couldn't be a lie. Or maybe that's what I wanted to believe.

I thought of using only Taehyung's photos in my new collection. I didn't take many pictures, but every one of them was so beautiful. I hadn't given my collection a name yet, but I still had a few days to think about it.

My employees had called me many times, but I also texted them and told them that I was fine, that I would be coming to work soon.

But it couldn't go on like this. How long was I gonna run away from the truth? He is hone. He is not here anymore. When was I supposed to face it? For the first time, I wanted to escape from myself and everything. I fell asleep in a deep silence and had nightmares all the time.

I left my computer somewhere in my bed. When I rested my eyes for a while, I strolled my gaze through the mess in my room. I was fucked up. There were clothes everywhere and stuff I threw angrily over the table. But I was calm now. For the first few days I was angry and angry, but now I had no power over anything.

I stood up in my bed and took one cigarette from the pack next to me and lit it. I was doing the same things all the time. My brain was numb and I couldn't get my head around it. I never thought I'd end up like this because of him. It was the first time I was in such a disastrous mood and it scared me.