Lost then found • Daryl Dixon

Chapter Twenty Seven

Daryls POV

Sitting with my back against the wall as Kaylee lays her head on my chest, my arms securely wrapped around her. Yesterday wasn't the same for her, it was like all the light in her had been ripped away, and I had no one to blame but myself.

Looking down at her peaceful, sleeping form, I carefully move a piece of hair to tuck behind her ear. Blood still stained down her neck and around her hands, I should have been here. Dark circles forming under her eyes from lack of sleep. I should have been here.

The moment I heard her scream, the thought that I'd lost her, once again.  But I've already lost, haven't I? I'd rather her hate me than be dead, I kept telling myself.

Coming up here last night might have ended up being the worst decision, but I couldn't see her like that, closed off for the rest of the world, that wasn't Lee. So I stopped her from walking away.

"You are my family, Lee," I told her, trying to stop my voice from cracking, reaching for her, to feel her hand against mine just for a second before she pulled away with a force.

"You left, Daryl," her words felt like knives digging into my chest. "You left me!" Her breaths started coming out more rapidly as everything started coming to the surface. Taking a step closer, "Kaylee, please, you need to calm down," I said calmly, but not calm enough, as her body got more tense, her clenched fists at her sides getting antsy.

"Calm down?" her voiced raised once again, the walkers below us getting louder and more pilled up as her voice echoed through the field. Tears started rolling down her cheeks, I fought the urge to wipe them away. "I was calm!" she tells me. "I was doing just fine the way I was!" Her voice coming out more broken as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You're not fine, you're not sleeping, you're pushing it all away again, pretending it doesn't make you feel anything!" The words flew from my mouth, she needed to hear it, she needed to break through it to start getting better.

"It's okay to be angry, to be sad, you've lost-" and then I knew I'd gone too far. I stood there, watching as her eyes grew darker as anger filled her up. Seeing Lee angry wasn't something you'd see often, a rare thing for her bright soul, but feeling anger was a start.

She let it out, everything overwhelming her all at once like a switch suddenly turned on. I stayed put, taking the blows to the chest she gave me as she screamed, screamed about everything that had been ripped from her, what she'd done.

Her arms grew weaker, her arms slowly coming to a stop. The anger washing away from her eyes to be quickly filled with guilt, sadness, but mostly pain. The pain in her eyes was almost unbearable, being able to read her so well, knowing what she felt and it wasn't going away.

"Oh God, I actually killed someone," her hands moved from my chest, quickly finding themseleves tangled in with her long brown hair, her knuckles clenching so tight around the roots they turned white.

"Make it stop, make it stop," she begged falling to her knees. "Please make it stop," she cried. Not knowing what to do or how to take her pain away, I did what I knew how, the only way with Kaylee. Dropping down beside her, before wrapping my arms around her pulling her into my chest, with slight protests coming through her cries.

"It's okay," whispering into her ear, before moving my hand and carefully unclenching her fists freeing her hair from further torture. Pulling her further onto my lap, her hands now finding their way to my shirt, holding on tightly.

I held her close, gently running my hand through her hair, trying to comfort her any way possible. Her quiet sobs slowly dying down as her breathing evened out, it wasn't long before her eyes dropped, taking her into a deep sleep. Slowly leaning my back against the guard tower wall, I held her, never wanting to let go again.