Princess || KNJ✅

Part Twenty-four: Goodbye

Sooji: Hey...are you awake? 

After I came back home, I went to my room and locked myself away like I did the day of my dad's funeral, which is the last time I remember feeling so low. 

Did I really love him? I don't think I could've fallen in love with someone that quickly. But then again, how would I know what love feels like if I've never felt it?

Whatever I felt for Namjoon ate me up inside. Slowly going from organ to organ until each of them stopped working and I was left with a barely beating heart paired with a full glass of regret. 

It was roughly two am, and I still haven't left my bed, not even to pee. To be completely honest, I didn't feel any of my normal bodily functions.

Hunger was absent. Fatigue faded. I didn't feel the warmth of my layers and layers of blankets. I was just there. Alone and accepting the fact that I probably won't get laid for months. 

Me: Yeah, I'm awake. 

She shut my bedroom door quietly, bringing over a stack of laundry to my bed. 

Me: If you think I'm folding those you got the wrong room. 

Sooji: No love. I washed your dad's cardigan for you. I thought it would make you feel better. At least a little bit. 

Me: Oh. Thanks. 

Sooji: I also owe you a proper apology. I shouldn't keep bringing up your dad when we fight. It's fucked up. I'm sorry. 

Me: All is forgiven.  

Sooji: Seriously. I was trying to get you to tell me what you were up because I was starting to get worried.

Me: Worried about what?

Sooji: When I was thirteen, my cousin moved into my parents' house. She used to dip out Saturday nights and we wouldn't see her again until Monday afternoon.

Me: What does that have to do with me?

Sooji: Because one day she was found in a ditch two miles from a brotard frat house. We found out she used to participate in prostitution near there and when she didn't do what one of the guys wanted he strangled her.

Me: Oh, god. Sooji I'm so sorry.

Sooji: It's fine, she was always stealing my stuff. The point is, my mind went to the worst possible scenario as it always does. When you started having the same patterns, I turned my fear into anger and took it out on you. I'm really am sorry Nari. You have always been a great friend to me and I know the way I treat you, you wouldn't even treat a fly. 

Me: Sooji, it's okay. I promise. I understand. I should've told you want I was doing. Maybe I wouldn't feel like shit right now. 

Sooji: Look, I don't know what you're going through right now, but you need to turn it off. I get you're hurting, but Nari, you have a life to live. You're on a scholarship. You have to work to keep it. Feel whatever you're feeling right now and really feel it and tomorrow pick your head up. The world doesn't wait for heartbreak. 

_____

I took into Sooji's wisdom. I really felt it, then by spring break, I was back to somewhat normal Nari.

Sooji got her dad to like me and he agreed to help me with school. He also made Sooji split her allowance with me...which she wasn't happy with at first but she got over it. 

Over the next three years I was thriving. I passed all my classes with shining (as in not failed) grades. I had a great balance on school and social activities, but that meant that I had no concept of sleep. On breaks, I alternated between Peach, Mari, Zo, and Sooji to go home with.