Fear

8. trauma

I take my words back. I can't do this.

"Oh fuck no. I am not touching a gun." I moved away from the table that was placed with different types of guns. "Nope, no." I said once more as I shook my head profusely. My heart was palpilating. Wonwoo, Jeonghan, Joshua and Mingyu stared at me as I backed away from their shooting range.

"It's not like you have to kill anybody. Unless you need to." Jeonghan stated and earned a smack on the arm from Joshua.

"Not helping." Joshua frowned at his friend and then picked up a black pistol. "It's for defence. Just in case if anything happens, a gun will always be handy." he says in his gentle voice as he approached to me and held out the gun towards me.

"I-I can't." I realised I was stuttering. It's the anxiety. It's coming back again. The gun he held out just reminded me of the bloody gun from the murder and my breath hitched just by looking at it. I suppose by now the rest of them had already sensed my anxiety as Joshua swiftly put away the gun he was holding while I could see Mingyu and Wonwoo putting a big cloth over the other guns to cover them. My eyes unknowingly wander to Jeonghan and I could see a sudden realisation across his face.

"You guys continue training." Jeonghan hurry over to my side and pulled me away from the shooting range. "Let's go." he says softly to me and I could hear the concern in his voice.

He brought me to a room which looked like an infirmary and took out some things from the cabinet. I could feel my hands trembling by its own and my breaths became unsteady. From the looks of it, I think I've got trauma and I didn't even perceive it. I don't think any one of them had realised it either until now.

"Try to stay calm." Jeonghan's gentle tone surprised me and it somehow soothed some of my nerves. Weird. I didn't bother to ask what he was doing but it was clear that he was doing tests on me.

"Were you a doctor?" I asked quietly and he abruptly looked up at me.

"No, but my Dad is a doctor and my Mom is a psychiatrist and psychologist." he responded and continued to look through his papers. Afterwards, he told me to do a questionnaire which had about twenty over questions and followed by some screening. By then, my anxiety had already died down as my mind was replaced by bizarre thoughts.

"Mild Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder." he muttered to himself as he stared at the computer and the papers but I could hear him.

"I know." I replied back and he seemed a little taken aback. "I realised it too." I say afterwards.

"I should've done checkups on you from the start. No sane person would be okay after witnessing you know what." Jeonghan sounded a little frustrated.

"So you're saying you're crazy then?" I joked.

"Maybe," he responded in between his laughter. At this moment, I couldn't depict Jeonghan as a ruthless person. He seems rather sincere with his words now and was more aware of my emotions. Even his laughter and smiles were genuine. Maybe he isn't as bad as I thought. "You feeling better?" he asked and walked over to my side.

"I think so."

"Good. I'll ask Seokmin to cook something for you. I know you're hungry." I'm glad he knows.

"What about the trainings?"

"You'll continue tomorrow except for shooting. You're not ready for it." Jeonghan replied firmly as we both got out of the room. I nodded at him and we went separate ways.

2:17PM.

"This is so good," I gushed with my mouth stuffed with kimchi stew.

"I'm happy that you liked it!" he exclaimed with his eyes smiling cutely. "I can cook more if you'd like." he offered.