Fear

14. past

It's been days since the incident happened. Minho has been giving me space when I needed it, but I felt bad for pushing him away whenever he tried to talk to me. I know Minho wasn't at fault because he has been so nice to me, but I just can't bring myself to speak to him. The only times I've ever spoke was when he checked up on me.

Whatever bond between Minho and I had built has completely crumbled. Again, it isn't his fault. I know all he wanted was to bring me out so I wouldn't have to feel like I'm being caged in again. I know he couldn't have prevented that situation from happening. I know that.

Yet, part of me blamed him too because he was involved in the trade. I wasn't originally part of it till he saw me that night. Minho could've just accepted the money instead of me. Then again, Jeonghan could've simply left me in his house with his sister. So none of this would've happened.

But I was playing in Jeonghan's stupid little game. Being in his game of chess for being the pawn, which I stupidly fell for. I blindly believed Jeonghan and his friends' pretence. I blamed Jeonghan, Minho and then myself. It's been a repeating cycle in my head ever since and every time I think about it, I wanted to scream.

If you think about it hard enough, it has always been my fault to begin with. If only I didn't go back to the bar to find Jeonghan. If only I took the longer route to go home so I wouldn't have to witness the murder. It's because of my own dumb decisions that led me to this fucked up place.

"Aera?" I jolted up from the bed upon hearing my name being called. Minho knocked onto the door before entering, his gaze softening as soon as he saw me. "You need to eat something." he says as he cautiously took a few steps forward.

I looked at him with an expressionless face. Although my thoughts and inner voice were practically screaming and ravaging in my head, the outer appearance of me was the opposite.

"Did you cook?" I asked him with almost no life in my voice. Minho looked at me with slight surprise. Maybe it was because I didn't give him a one-word reply this time.

"I did." he says almost in a whisper. I nod my head at him, getting up from my bed which I stumbled a few steps back. Minho instinctively tried to hold me but I avoided his touch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that." I quickly apologised.

"No, don't apologise. I didn't mean to scare you." No Minho, I'm not scared of you. I just feel lost. But those words never come out of my mouth. All I could do is give him a small smile of appreciation.

No doubt the food Minho cooked was piquant as ever. It did made me feel a whole lot better compared to the last few days. However, we were still sitting in silence. I know Minho has a lot of things going on his mind but he never talks about it. I hate the silence so much, especially when these past months with Minho has been going rather well. I missed our daily combat trainings together or how he would shamelessly call me a 'sweetheart'. I know I shouldn't let any of this destroy the bond I had with him but damn, Lee Minho isn't as innocent either. It just makes me overthink about everything that he has done before, or even the things he is doing right now.

What if he is also pretending? What if none of this was real? What if Minho is using me for his own purpose? What if—

"Sweet— Aera, are you okay?" Minho's soft-spoken but the urgency in his voice took my intrusive thoughts away. I looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"You're crying." he says and his eyes were screaming with disquietude. I blinked and that's when I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I don't know what came over me." I chuckled lifelessly while stabbing into the food.

"I'm sorry, Aera." Minho suddenly apologised, abruptly causing me to stop stabbing into my food as I stared at his face that was plaster with guilt.