Merry Little Christmas

04. Time and a Black Hole

December 8th, 1961

She sat there quietly, unable to process what was going on. She was confused. Her mind was stirring, then went blank.

"The man.." She whispered. Mama and Papa looked up at her.

"The man? What man?"

She stood there shocked. The man had contaminated the cookies with something; but what? She shook her head.

"The man.. I- he gave me cookies, and I was just so hungry.. I thought it would help." She was on the verge of crying.

Mama gasped. Niall stood confused. Papa looked worried. All were scared of what the future held. In the beginning they for sure thought that they had been given hope. But instead, they were given fear. Fear of what was next. Surely the rope could only stretch so far before it would break. Now, it was all a matter time to see what would happen next.

The funny thing with time though, is that it never stops. You don't know what's going to happen next, and before you know it you want time to slow down. But it doesn't. Time was stubborn. Somehow it always does the opposite of what you want it to do.

Time doesn't stop. Even if they wished for it to stop, time won't stop anyways. They have come across several factors. Different statistics and different experiences. They knew time was tricky. But how much? Time is just one of the small things that play a part of their life. And just one of many that make life miserable.

Life. They all knew that life didn't come with a safety blanket or guidelines along the way. That was the scary part. Life didn't come with a pillow to protect yourself under the hardship of it all. And truth be told, they at least thought life would be easier than that.

But it wasn't, and that's what made it scary. Life was hard, and life was unfair. But who ever told them that just because they didn't hurt a lion, a lion wouldn't hurt them? And as for the McCarthy family, life really was unfair. They didn't know what they did to deserve it. That was the truth. 

Some nights greater than others, the family would be sucked deep into their own thoughts, the world surrounding them, but they couldn't see. Where even deep into the blue ocean, everything would abruptly crumble away into the black hole that was them.

A physical, black hole was nothing more but a hole. A hole that was an apparition on the other side. But to others, they were the black hole. The apparition, the rock who barely had the chance to witness the good in planet Earth. The black hole who just collapsed everything around them.

That was them.

They were basically living in a black hole, and even more now.  

"The cookies- I got them from a man, I didn't know-" Papa interrupted.

"A man?"

"Y-yeah, I'm sorry," Isabella cried.

Papa shook his head. "It's fine, I just- what were in those cookies?"

Isabella shrugged, forgetting for a while the pain still in her belly. And right then and there, perhaps her stomach was the black hole. The black hole tearing away at her organs slowly as she was preparing to shatter away like a broken glass mirror. And despite the pain, despite all the hurt she had gone through over the past year, the glass mirror would shatter slowly.

❆

The snow felt colder, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't at all. But it was cold, and their aching bodies couldn't take it any longer.

"Hi! I'm sorry I'm late." Andrew ran over to them.

"Oh, it's fine!" Mama said.

After Andrew had given them their food and supplies for the next week, after he had been long gone, and after the family had shared a delicious meal of spaghetti and meatballs, Isabella's stomach pain had never seemed to go away. Niall was complaining, and the whole family was in pain.

Isabella heard children laughing as they played in the snow, protected by their winter gear. She saw the streetlights dancing up from red to green as the passengers in the car delightfully roamed around the city, going to their destination. But she felt pain and anguish from not just her belly, but all over her body. There she felt misery and sorrow as she sat down on the sidewalk, her hands and feet numb.

She looked towards the end of the street. The side of the bakery. The small bakery that was always close to her heart, yet so far from going inside. It was warm. It was friendly. She saw small faces laughing and smiling. Dancing to the tune of the music she could hear gently. Everything in there looked so perfect. So far from her life she knew she wasn't fit to have something so perfect. She wished, but she was accustomed to think that wishes no longer came true. It couldn't, because last time she wished for something it just got worse.

But she just had to wait; something she couldn't manage to do because time was running out, and she was becoming impatient. Everything evolved around time now. She was not fit for this life. Life like this was way too hard. And again, she had no reason to suffer like this. No reason to cry until her knees gave out and until her face was red a swollen. No reason at all.

Life was not fair.

And until she understood exactly what that meant, she would continue to break down and melt, no matter how cold she was or no matter how many days she had been left untouched without any help-no matter how many times she didn't deserve it, but it happened anyways.

Until that day came, the black hole inside of her would continue to grow, destroying everything in her path. Until that day came, time wouldn't stop for her, not for her family, not for everyone. Time will keep going until time wears away and suddenly there would be no time at all.

Or unless..