a mind full of poems

air

I'm tired of breathing the same air

The air that poisons me with all of society's actions.

I feel their every thought creep up on me.

I feel their judgement slowly aimed towards me.

I cant do it anymore.

I'm tired of waking up and functioning like a normal person.

Because I'm not normal

I have too many flaws

Flaws that society makes fun of and points out

I feel as everytime I step out into the world, and just take that first breath; I want it to be my last.

I try to ignore it. But the truth is, i cant.

It swallows me whole. Just like a tornado. Created by hot and cold air.

Cold air as my soulless body. Cold air as my empty heart.

Hot air from society's hate. Hot air from society's actions.

I'm tired.

Even breathing is exaughsting

I sit in class and breathe in, holding it until I'm about to pass out.

No one notices. They never have.

The air is toxic.

I cant enjoy the simplistic of things without being intoxicated by it.

Intoxicated by actions, thoughts, words.

I know I can survive. But it doesnt feel like it.

The constant trauma from the past is creeping up on me; making it seem like I just cant anymore.

I know I'm strong and I can make it another day. Just one more day.

But for how long exactly? How long am I going to say "another day."?

Forever.

I'm tired of breathing the same air as everyone.

I'm afraid it can intoxicate me and influence me to be like them.

Society. Just like society.