The Arcana ~ The Requiem of Lost Memories

XXI- The World ~Reversed

1. Reasons to Fight

Julian is now only a few metres away.
"I finally found you! Are you alright? Are you okay? Did the Devil do something to you? Please say you're alright."
He circles me shortly, checking me over for injuries.
"...I'm fine. No need to worry yourself over me."
He blinks a few times, confused, before he grabs hold of my shoulders.
"Are you sure? You seem... Sad. Disheartened. What happened?"
I step a bit back, not meeting his eyes. It hurts being around him.
"Nothing serious. Don't worry."
He skates his hands down my arms, taking my hands in his.
"I can see that something's troubling you. Please... Talk to me. Vent. Scream and shout if you need to. But don't block me out like this. Please."
! These words hit a nerve-
Tears build in my eyes as I somehow manage to look up to him.
"How can you even bear to look at me, Julian? After I let you down so many times... After I made you suffer?"
He arches a brow.
"Where is that now coming from, Akiko?"
"Please. Just answer my question."
Julian squeezes my hands.
"You let me grow, Akiko. You didn't make me suffer. And even if you let me down... I'm not doing this whole grudge thing. That leads to nothing."
So he ... He just doesn't care?
"Why? Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you sad? Why aren't you disgusted by my mere presence? You should be!
I did so much wrong...
I should have done something, anything to help you both times I was there as you were dying!
But I just... I just..."
Gritting my teeth, I force the words out, around the lump in my throat.
"I just sat by and watched."
Tears fall now freely on the stony cliff under our feet, and I can feel my joints turning into jelly, crushed under the weight of my guilt. I slump to the floor.
Julian's grip around my hands fastens as he sidles closer, kneeling down.
"That's not true. You didn't only sit by. In both cases, you did the best you could do. No one can blame you for that."
I tense, pulling my knees to my chin.
"No one but me.
I failed you.
I had the chance to protect you, the man I love and I... I...
I failed!
There must have been more I could have done! But I just failed you."
He shakes his head.
"No. There wasn't anything more you could have done with what you knew back then. No one blames you for the decisions you made. No one. Me least of all."
Julian pulls me into his arms, running his hand through my fluffy hair.
My voice is shaky.
"...Why?"
I hear him exhaling deeply, his heart pounding double as fast as before.
"Because I love you."
I yank backwards, staring unbelievingly into his eyes.
"Y-you... After all I've done?
...You love me?"
He nods.
"I do. How could I not? You showed me a way forward. You did so much to help me. You bewitched me, body and soul. I love you, Akiko. From the dimples when you smile to every character trait you've shown me of yourself until now."
...why? Why doesn't he turn his back on me? Just like any other did in Bryndur? Why is he different?
...Whyever he is... I'm glad.
I smile, wiping my tears.
"I don't understand why you love me. I don't understand why you simply forgive my failures. My unforgivable mistakes.
But I..."
I breathe deeply.
"I have now one more reason to keep fighting the Devil."
My hands come to either sides of his face.
"I love you, Julian. Come what may."
...Whether I deserve you or not.
And don't you ever forget this.
Then he leans forward, and as our lips meet, his arms wrap around me, pulling me close to him.
I savour every single second until we both pull back, looking each other deeply in the eyes.
I smile.
"You don't know how much knowing that you love me back puts me at ease, Julian."
In fact, I feel like I could fly. Like I could do anything, even defeat the Devil all on my own.
Only my guilt now grounds me.
"I wanted to tell you for the longest time now that I love you, Akiko."
Julian looks fondly at me, knuckles brushing gently over my cheek. I lean into the touch.
After a while, I pull back, standing up and helping him to his feet.
"How much I'd like to celebrate... There is still a major problem to deal with."
Julian nods.
"The Devil. You said you wanted to fight him?"
My gaze shoots over to the Fool before I answer.
"Yes. I have to. I am the only one who can stop him."
He stares into my eyes, looking determined.
"Then we will defeat him. Together."
I blink a few times.
"Together? ...You want to put yourself in danger? But-"
He cuts me off mid speech.
"No but. You said it yourself, we are stronger together. When I am with you, you have the strength to face the future, come what may."
...There he got me.
And telling by his tone, he won't give in, no matter what I say.
I don't like this, but I can't stop him such as it seems.
"Okay. Let's do it together."
I look over to the Fool.
Getting the message, she nods sadly.
Julian snatches my hand, smiling.
"Perfect. We can do this.
Together, we can defeat everyone."
His optimism makes me smile, though I one hundred percent don't feel like happiness.
The Fool clears her throat.
"I suppose you will now depart for the Devil's realm?"
Julian nods approvingly.
"Yes, this is where we're headed. ...When the Devil's there, I mean.
We take the fight to him."
I squeeze Julian's hand.
"I'm certain he's there. That's where his magic is strongest."
The Fool gestures towards the edge of the cliff.
"The fastest way would be down there."
Julian peers over the edge, into the darkness below.
"Uhh. Akiko, my love, we don't jump, do we?"
I search the cliff for another way down. Well, if not jump, we could still climb... I actually would go for that if I had better stamina.
There must be another way...
"Ah, there!"
I point at a narrow, dark staircase at the edge of the cliff, leading down into the hazy darkness.
"We can get down there."
The Fool nods.
"Julian... Akiko. I wish you luck.
You are our only hope."
The grip around my hand fastens as Julian smiles.
"Thank you, Fool. For everything."
She shakes her head.
"Don't thank me yet. I'll come to celebrate your victory with you."
Then, Julian and I, with Malak and Lyra, the phoenix that used to follow me around when I was a child, make our way towards the Devil's realm.