All I Ever Wanted

Chapter 5: It's Not the Same

"Harry!" I screamed.
"Harry are you ok? Can you hear me?"
My bedroom door opened and Harry appeared with lunch in his hands.
"Thanks but I'm not hungry."
"Harper you need to eat"
Know omg he was right I accepted the food and chowed it down. I stared blatantly at the wall. Harry and I laid in bed for the whole rest of the day. My parents peeked into the room at one point. I opened my eyes to see them and then closed them again, making them think I was asleep. They saw Harry and I laying down in bed. They gestured for him to come out of the room. I felt Harry carefully take his arm off of me and his presence leave the room. He left the door cracked open on his way out. I heard my parents talking to him from my bed.
"We just brought Mrs. Oliver home. She's stable but definitely not doing ok. How is Harp?"
"She cried and sat at the wall for a while. I got her to eat and I've been laying with her all day." Harry responded.
"I'm sorry you've had to stay here all day hon. Why don't you head on home to your family. Thank you for helping her."
"No that's ok. She's my best friend and she's not ok so why would I leave. I'm going to stay the night and keep her company if that's ok?"
What Harry responded left me feeling relieved that I had someone. If Harry wasn't here. If I was alone right now. Who knows what the hell I could've done to myself. I flashed back to the days of my darkness and immediately jolted up.
Harry had just walked back into my room holding extra pillows and blankets for us.
"Woah are you ok?"
"Harry. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I killed Campbell."
"Harper that's ridiculous he died in a hit and run car accident unless you were the person in the other car you did not kill Campbell." Harry exclaimed.
"Fine I didn't kill him but it was my fault he died.
"No it wasn-". I cut Harry off.
"Last night he was hanging out over here. I was having a lot of fun but I was so exhausted. He wanted to watch another movie but I asked him to go home. It's entirely my fault. If I wouldn't of forced him out of my house, he wouldn't of been out driving. How can I live with myself? What have I done?"
I soon realized I wasn't just telling Harry why it was my fault, but I was also thinking dark thoughts aloud. I began crying again. Sobbing so loud to the point where nothing came out of my mouth, but random cries for help.
"Harper Rae none of this is your fault. You cannot blame yourself."
I knew Harry was right but I had to blame myself who else was there to blame.
The next day was only worse. Talks of Campbell's funeral were in place and anytime I had a subtle thought about anything I started sobbing. Harry kept his word and stayed the night with me. In the morning he woke me up after a solid 10 hours of sleep to make sure I wasn't oversleeping my problems away. He opened the blinds. The sun was still shining bright. It was still another chilly day in December. Nothing in the world seemed different, but everything inside of me did. Another day passed. Harry had been going back and forth to his house and mine. He needed to shower and see his family. I understood so no part of it bugged me, especially because he had been staying with me every night. While still managing to help his parents out around the house and with his siblings. Nighttime came again. Harry turned off the light switch and climbed into his mattress bed my parents made him on the floor.
"Harry?" Would you mind if you came and slept in my bed? I know you have been doing a lot for me but I just love the idea of knowing your right there next to me."
Of course Harry agreed that was for the best and climbed into bed next to me.
"I never got a chance to say thank you. For everything."
"How could I even be considered your best friend if I hadn't done any of this. I'm glad I'm making things even just a little bit more tolerable for you."
"Goodnight Harry I love you."
"Goodnight Harper Rae I love you more."