... I feel a stabbing sensation in my gut. I'm scared. I know I am. And I know why. James. I check my phone, I know it's early in the morning, and I know I should be sleeping but I can't. 1:48 am. I open messages and open James and I's chat.
Me: Hi, u awake?
James: Yeah, but don't you hate me?
Me: Not really anymore, I'm lonely
James: Ugh I'm coming ;)
I become even more scared. Why do I keep calling him back? Is it because I'm so attached? Is it because I'm scared? Who knows. A few minutes later I hear a knocking on my window. I slide it open and James crawls through.
"Hi," I whisper into the darkness.
"Hi," He whispers back.
"Can we start over?" I ask him softly.
"I'd like that," He replies.
I stumble back over to bed and he lies down next to me. I spread the blanket over us. It's cooler tonight. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. I feel safe, and warm when he's here. I shut my eyes and eventually fall asleep. When I wake up the next morning, James is still there with his eyes shut and arms wrapped around me.
"Morning," He mumbles delightly.
"Morning," I reply sweetly.
I suddenly become worried that he's going to hurt me again. But I try to ignore it.
"I'm really sorry about the whole Emma thing," James says sitting up, "can I please explain why I did that?"
"Please," I reply sleepily.
"I felt like you were becoming distant from me, and I wanted you back, so I tried to make you jealous with the Instagram photo, but when you saw it, you were more mad than anything, and when Emma was at my house yesterday morning, we were just trying to organise something for you for your birthday that's coming up," He says.
"Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry, I... I didn't know," I say quietly.
I feel so bad, I shouldn't have jumped to the worst conclusion in the world.
"You're so innocent," James teases with a grin.
"I am not!" I protest.
"Sure, you're not," He says lying down next to me with his shoulder on top of mine.
"Hey!" I say jokingly.
He bursts out laughing and so do I. I'm in love, that's why I keep calling him back, because I'm in love, because I love him, and care for him and have become attached to him. It makes sense now. The rest of the day passes slowly. But I stay alone for the day, I just want some quiet. I open my phone and check Instagram, I see a post on Emma's profile that catches my eye. It's a photo of half her face with her hand sadly smudged over it with the caption,
I'm so sorry to my best friend, I never meant to hurt it, it was all just for good intentions. If you see this post, just know that I care, support and love you. We all do. From the bottom of my heart, I deeply apologise.
I quickly exit Instagram and open messages.
Me: Emma, I am so so sorryI didn't know and I just jumped to conclusions.
Emma: It's ok, it really is, I luv u
Me: I love you to
Emma: I'm bored out of my mind, u free??
