be my first || johnyong

seventeen

Oh, God, where is he?
Is he that mad at me?

Taeyong looked out the window again, searching for a glimpse of headlights in the distance.

He didn't have a clue what Johnny thought about the entire situation, and the constant anxiety had started to make him feel sick.

At first he waited in his own bedroom, but three hours later he found himself in Johnny's room without any real memory of how it'd happened.

They needed to talk.

As soon as Johnny got back.

There was no way Taeyong could withstand an entire night of this. The very thought made him want to puke.

The appearance of headlights at the end of the long driveway half an hour later was as much a stress as a comfort.

What if he breaks up with me?

Not that they'd ever actually put a label on their relationship.

But they were together.

It wasn't just about the sex.

Taeyong knew it.

In the time it took for Sehun and Johnny to enter the house, Taeyong had worked himself into such a state he thought he might just fall to pieces when Johnny opened the door.

It didn't happen, though.

Johnny stepped into the room, and he didn't look at all surprised to see Taeyong standing there.

He shut the door behind him and crossed his arms over his chest.

Neither his posture nor his expression was encouraging in the slightest, but Taeyong moved to stand in front of him anyway.

"Please don't be mad!"

He blurted before Johnny could say anything.

"I'm really sorry, hyung. I just... I wanted you to notice me. It was like you never saw me. You saw Taeyong, Sehun's little brother, but not me. I thought if I told you I'd had a boyfriend, maybe you would be jealous, and then maybe..."

Taeyong's throat felt tight.

He swallowed to try to alleviate the pressure, but it got even worse as Johnny stared at him in silence.

"It was a bad idea, I know. Really, I know that now. Please forgive me, hyung. I—"

"Baby," Johnny interrupted quietly, "I already knew."

Taeyong blinked, his mouth falling open in shock.

"You... you did?"

"Well, I suspected at least," Johnny said. "But this morning, when you confirmed it... I was more upset than I thought I'd be to find out you actually had lied about it all. That was kind of shitty of you, Taeyong."

"I know. I know. It was a dick move, and I'm—"

"But I understand why you did it."

Taeyong's very brain seemed to freeze at those words.

Johnny understood.

So did that mean...?

"You're not going to break up with me?"

Johnny looked surprised. "No, of course n—"

Taeyong kissed him.

He couldn't help it.

Johnny wasn't angry.

They were still going to be together. The relief was so intense it almost made him giddy.

He trembled when Johnny's arms uncrossed and curled around his waist.

"I love you," he murmured against Johnny's mouth. His hand slipped between their bodies and pressed to the hard length he could feel under Johnny's fly. "Let me show you how much."

Johnny groaned.

"Taeyong, not here. I told you—"

"Just this once." Taeyong's fingers undid the button on Johnny's jeans and started to tug the zipper down. "Just this one time..."

Taeyong knew he'd get his way when Johnny dipped his head and pressed a kiss to his collarbone.

"Once," Johnny said, his lips brushing over the soft skin there.

The exasperation in Johnny's voice made Taeyong laugh.

It was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Or so he thought.

Until the door flew open behind Johnny and his brother walked in.

Sehun was in the middle of saying something about condoms, but broke off when he spotted Taeyong and Johnny locked in an embrace.

"Oh."

Sehun's eyes were huge. As Taeyong watched, a slow flush crept up his neck.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't... fuck, Johnny, I thought you weren't going to do this in the house!"

Taeyong felt his own eyes widen.

"You knew?" He glanced at Johnny for reassurance, but the obvious guilt on Johnny's face spoke volumes. "You talked to him about it?"

"Tae—"

Taeyong pulled out of Johnny's arms and looked between him and his brother.

"You guys... were you guys laughing at me?"

"No."

Johnny shook his head and reached for Taeyong again.

Taeyong stepped back, putting more distance between them.

"Did you tell him about everything we've done?"

"No."

"But you guys talked about me. You—"

"Taeyong," Sehun interrupted in what Taeyong assumed he thought was a placating tone. "Yeah, Johnny and I did talk after you asked him to... well, you know. But it's cool. I told him I was okay with it. I told him to give you what you wanted."

"Give me what I wanted?" Taeyong echoed blankly. "Hyung! You mean, you told Johnny to fuck me?"

"Well, not in those—" Sehun started, but Johnny's voice overrode his.

"It wasn't like that, Taeyong!"

"Oh, I'm sure. You guys must have really laughed it up, huh?"

Taeyong met Johnny's gaze.

He couldn't even attempt to hide the pain he was feeling.

"What was all this then? Pity? And you even told me you lo—"

Taeyong broke off and bit his lip so hard the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth.

No, he wasn't about to say that.

It would be like throwing another stick on the fire of his humiliation, and how pathetic would that be?

"Taeyong." Johnny took a step toward him. His eyes were pleading. "Listen. Don't—"

But Taeyong didn't wait around to hear what Johnny had to say.

He spun on his heel and fled the room.