be my first || johnyong

two,

Once they were in the car—and his takeout container had been dumped unceremoniously onto the backseat—Johnny started up the engine and sent up a quick prayer that Taeyong had forgotten about the conversation they were supposed to be having in the time it had taken him to finish his meal and pay the bill.

No such luck.

Johnny no sooner turned out of the parking lot than Taeyong was shifting nervously in his seat and clearing his throat.

"So..."

Johnny wasn't about to make it easy for him.

"So?" he said idly as he pulled to a stop at a red light.

He could feel Taeyong's gaze on the side of his face, but he kept his eyes straight ahead.

Taeyong sighed. "You're going to make me say it again?"

"No. But I am going to make you explain why you said it in the first place."

"Well, ever since Jackson broke up with me, I've been thinking, and...well, I don't want to go to college a virgin. The guys there, they're going to be experienced and I'm not going to know what I'm doing, and I'm probably going to make a fool of myself or something. I don't want to be embarrassed. I⚊"

"That's part of the whole process," Johnny interrupted, keeping his eyes on the road that would take them back to Taeyong's home. "Sometimes sex is awkward. You find the right person, and there won't be any need to be embarrassed."

"Yeah, and I want you to be that person, hyung. I want to learn about it from someone I trust. Someone I know won't laugh at me, or dump me if there are certain things I'm not comfortable doing."

Johnny's eyes narrowed and he risked a quick glance at Taeyong.

"Is that what happened? Did that Wang kid try to force you into something?"

Taeyong shook his head. "No."

"Don't lie to me."

"I said no. He didn't try to force me. He just wasn't happy about it."

Johnny sighed. "Taeyong, look, there's no need to be impatient about these things. There is no shame, absolutely no shame, in waiting until you find the right person. Someone worthy will come along. Trust me."

"You're the right person, Johnny hyung. You."

"No." Johnny shook his head, his fingers tightening on the wheel. "I can't agree to this. You're asking for all the wrong reasons, and, besides, what do you think Sehun would have to say about this? You think he'd be cool with us having sex?"

"Why does it matter what he thinks?"

"It matters because he's been my best friend for almost twenty years. And you are his baby brother. It's like a rule in the best friend handbook or something."

"Are you not attracted to me?" Taeyong asked, his voice edged with hurt. "Is that why you won't do it?"

Johnny bit back another sigh. "Did you really miss the point of everything I just said, or are you deliberately being obtuse?"

"So that's it? That's your answer hyung?"

"That's my answer."

Taeyong huffed.

Out of the corner of his eye, Johnny saw him cross his arms over his chest.

"Fine. I'll ask someone else then."

That time Johnny couldn't hold back the sigh, but he gritted his teeth to stop himself from saying anything more.

Unless it was "yes, I'll do it" (and, God, there was a big part of him that would love to say just that), he knew Taeyong probably wouldn't want to hear it.

Did that make him feel a little bitter? Yes. But he couldn't do what Taeyong had asked.

He just couldn't. So he held his tongue.

By the time they arrived, his jaw ached.