NIGEL

CHAPTER 19: HUNTING

Days went on and Lily and I were still not talking very much. She spent most of the day chatting with Noah who was a little reluctant, but grew used to her. I think it was unusual for Noah to have someone so keen to speak with him since he'd spent much of his life relatively alone. Kieran didn't need to ask what was wrong because truthfully I think he already had seen it coming. Noah was also acting a little bit off but for a different reason which he refused to share with us. I decided it was best not to prod him about it.
            I realized that I hadn't actually gotten to know Noah as well as I would have liked. I was desperate now more than ever to have a brother since Lily, who was the closest person to me in my life, wasn't really speaking to me. I would have gone to Kieran for emotional support but I didn't want to get too close to him due to my feelings for him. I knew if I spent too much time with Kieran, things would progress to a place I wasn't ready to be just yet, and I didn't want to hurt Lily any further.
            Noah told us one night that he was off to go "hunting" which we all knew was finding things to drink. I did it too, (obviously) but I often went alone and tried to be as discreet as possible. I had grown used to it since I always tried to avoid Lily seeing me that way. I rejected having to admit to my hunting because I didn't want to be what I am. However, as I grew closer to Noah, I realized how my insecurities were far greater than necessary. Noah was different but even though he was a half vampire like me, he didn't act much like one other than having to hunt at night. I decided since Noah seemed better at it than me anyway, that I would go with him and maybe learn a thing or two. He appeared to care very much, though I could see a hint of apprehension in his expression. I ignored it and invited myself along anyway. Besides, I didn't want to have to sit in camp with Lily and Kieran awkwardly. I reached my quota for uncomfortable moments of the day.
            Noah and I began to walk deeper into the forest. Something I never appreciated before I met Noah, was how well we could see in the dark compared to everyone else. I never knew it was so difficult for other people! I knew I had some heightened senses, but not to the degree where darkness that was blinding to others was only slightly hindering for me. No wonder vampires don't really sleep, it's never dark enough for us I suppose.
            "Nigel," began Noah. I was expecting him to say something about tracking animals or anything related to hunting but of course he had to bring up the uncomfortable. "What's going on with you and Lily?"
            I groaned. "Darling, I'm far too thirsty to talk about such things right now. Lily and I are no longer together and that's all you need know at the moment." I answered curtly.
            "Because you like Kieran?" Asked Noah, though his tone indicated it wasn't really a question.
            My face flushed. "What? How do you know that?"
            Noah shrugged as we kept walking, "I mean, it's quite obvious. But we don't have to talk about it."
            I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I very much would not like to talk about it."
            We continued to walk in silence for a little while, sniffing and feeling for any animal that would suffice. "I don't care just so you know." Noah threw out, trying to sound casual.
            I furrowed my eyebrows, "What?" I asked, confused. I thought we ended this conversation. "I don't care." He repeated. "You know, about the 'gay' thing. If you like guys and stuff." He continued awkwardly.
            I was becoming profoundly uncomfortable by this point. "Um, okay. Thank you I guess. Though I wouldn't say I'm 'gay' necessarily but thanks anyway." I stuttered, not exactly knowing how to respond.
            Noah rolled his eyes. "Relax, I'm only saying this because I know the elves have a reputation for not being the most accepting people. I know for humans its different. You guys are better about sexual tolerance and things since you are all have better stuff to worry about and pagan gods. I just didn't want you to think that because I'm half elvish that I would be offended by you being who you are. I know what it feels like to be driven out for being different."
            I was both incredibly surprised and touched by what he said. In all honesty, I hadn't even thought of what Noah would think of my sexual preferences. I was so preoccupied with Lily and my feelings for Kieran that I somehow left him out of it all. However, it was still pleasant to hear him tell me that anyway. I felt a little closer to him then, which I secretly craved. I just nodded at him with a reassuring smile and he understood.
            Eventually we were on a trail of something. I wasn't sure what but I could smell it. "Nigel," Noah began to explain. "You have to trust your senses. You can run incredibly fast for a short burst of time if you use it carefully. Feel everything around you. Don't make sudden movements until you are absolutely sure that your sprint will work."
            "But how do I know that?" I asked, getting a bit nervous. I had only caught small animals before. Animals that were easy to catch or animals we already caught for dinner but I drank instead of ate. I also hate to admit this to you dear reader, but sometimes when we would stay in towns, a couple chickens might have gone missing from someone's coop sometime in the night "mysteriously." As far as anyone knew it was probably a fox. I don't think anyone thought it could have been a damphr.
            I did as Noah suggested and trusted my senses. I caught the scent of a stag not too far away. We looked down to the dirt ground and found tracks. I caught a whiff and was off before knew it, driven by pure instinct. It was incredible to say the least. I so rarely felt this way and most of the time I tried hard to suppress it because they were instincts given to me from my monstrous half. But this time, I figured it was about tome I learned to embrace it and use it to my advantage, especially if I was going to try and kill a vampire with the same abilities, (if not more powerful ones) as myself. Eventually we found the creature. I took a deep breath and to the best of my ability did as Noah instructed again, looking deep in myself for the burst of swiftness he was talking about before. Unfortunately, once I figured it out, I didn't do very well at controlling it so I ended up zipping out of control for a few minutes, frightening the poor creature away.
            "Don't worry about it." Said Noah reassuringly. "You'll get the hang of it."
            I wanted to believe him but after such a long day I was beginning to lose hope in myself. However, a would soon find my own stroke of luck. We tried again, this time with a doe. She stood crouched, nibbling on some plants while I hid behind a tree. The doe looked up, a crunching sound beneath my feet alerting her before she decided to go back to eating. This was my chance. Now that I had experienced the sensation of moving at such a fast speed, I knew how to control it a little bit better. I prayed to all the gods I didn't even believe in just to ensure this would work this time. I think part of me wanted to impress Noah a little bit, and show him I actually learned something from him. Noah was so much older than I was at the time and I always thought he looked at me like I was a child out for revenge, even though he was doing the same thing.
            Again, I readied myself, took another deep breath and off I went. I chased the beautiful creature through the forest for what felt like forever, especially since I felt like I was running out of energy. Finally, I got lucky and the doe tripped itself which slowed it enough for me to make the kill. I was so incredibly proud of myself, but at the same time I felt horrible. I had grown used to killing animals for sustenance, but it didn't mean I enjoyed it, especially since it was such a painful reminder of what I was.
            I drank myself full before realizing Noah hadn't taken a drink of the creature at all. I raised an eyebrow at him, wiping a smear of blood off my face with my sleeve. Ugh, I roll my eyes at myself for how messy I used to be when it came to drinking blood. I must have looked like such a barbarian!
            "Aren't you going to have some?" I asked Noah.
            Noah shook his head. "No, I don't usually partake in the drinking of animals." He explained as though it was obvious. I just became more confused by this, especially since he had gone off so many nights to presumably hunt. "I don't understand." Was all I managed to say in response.
            "The elves are vegetarians. I mean it would be quite odd for a society with animal companions of all types to be eating them all the time wouldn't you say?" Said Noah.
            "But, how do you sustain yourself? Aren't you a half vampire like me?" I stuttered, standing up to meet him.
            Noah nodded, "Yes but I tend to drink human blood instead of animal blood. And I can eat plants and other human food as you well know."
            This was shocking to hear from him! I didn't realize this whole time Noah had been feeding on humans! "What are you talking about?!" I blurted. "Why are you being so casual about this? You're telling me that killing people isn't as bad as killing animals?"
            Noah shook his head. "Calm down Nigel, I'm not saying that at all."
            "Then what are you saying? Because I am incredibly confused right now." I crossed my arms.
            Noah sighed. "I don't kill people. You don't have to kill people to drink their blood and there is a special ritual involved if you want to turn someone into a vampire. Besides, we as half breeds don't have venom anyway. So, I used to drink some of the centaurs while they were asleep or when I would travel to towns I would pay beggars to let me drink them a bit and then patched them up and let them be."
            I put a hand to my head. "So, you haven't been hunting when you go out on your own at night?"
            "No." He said, shaking his head. "I just needed some alone time to let off steam. Wouldn't you if you were in my situation?"
            I arched an eyebrow again. "And what is your situation?"
            "It's a little awkward for me to be the only person not in your strange little love triangle with Lily and Kieran. I don't like that I have to watch you guys dance around each other all the time. So I leave."
            My face turned red. "Oh. I'm sorry if I," I began when he cut me off. "No really its fine. I'm not upset with you. I'm just being honest."
            I nodded and we stood in awkward silence for a little while before a thought struck me. "Wait, we've been out in the woods for days on end and you haven't had any blood in your system?"
            "No, Lily has been nice enough to lend me her services." He explained casually.
            My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. "What?!"
            "What?" Asked Noah, visibly taken aback by my reaction.
            "Lily has been letting you suck her blood these past few months and neither you or her ever told me?" I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.
            Noah just stood there, staring at me speechless. It didn't look like he understood at all why I would be upset about something like this. "How could you ask my fiancé to give you her blood?! Don't you know how weird and wrong that is?!" I yelled at him.
            I could see his expression turn hard. "More wrong than killing some animal who didn't do anything to you? I'm at least not killing anything Nigel!"
            I shook my head violently, "No! You cannot turn this around on me like it's the same thing!"
            Noah clenched his fists. "Don't you think I know what it feels like to hate yourself for being something you never asked to be?! We both do horrible things Nigel because we have to and this is what we were made to do! I do it my way and you do it your way but don't you dare tell me that what I'm doing is anymore right or wrong! It's all wrong but we can't help it! I would think you off all people would know that!" He cried before running off back to camp.
            I wanted to yell after him but I had no words. Part of what Noah said stuck with me and I admittedly recognized the familiar twinge of guilt deep in my conscience. However, it didn't change how I felt no matter how logical his argument might have been. I was angry and I was going to be angry. I was sick and tired of everyone constantly invalidating my feelings! This was wrong to me and it hurt immensely that this whole time Lily was lecturing me about being dishonest when she had been letting my half-brother suck her blood and never even bothered to tell me about it because she knew I would be uncomfortable! I was going to talk to her, and this time I wasn't going to apologize!