I never planned to break a heart...
As rehearsals passed, it was finally time to perform our scene. I remember how nervous I was, how nervous I kept telling Alexis I was. My heart was thumping on my chest like that bunny in Bambi. When I remember it, I see burgundy. My fingertips were ticking until our names were called. I took a deep breath and when I glanced towards Alexis, she gave a reassuring look. It was like she told me I was okay without saying it. And I believed it.
We performed. Every look, every touch, every facial expression displayed how confident we were in the scene; and especially in our connection. The feedback was most positive, our negative comment only being "cut back on the movement." I was happy. A job well done, but most of all, it was over with! The only downside would be the possibility that Alexis and I drift away again. That she would go back to her life and her girl. I cannot believe I honestly thought that.
It was later that week, just another day. Alexis and I were sending random pictures to each other on Snapchat, attempting to spark up a conversation. I brought up her girlfriend, Giana, mainly in jealousy. I virtually just wanted to see what I was "up against" I guess you could say. I started to ask about her grade, what she liked, what she looked like, all kinds of topics that owned my curiosity. I asked and she answered. I came to the conclusion that Giana was, unfortunately, a good person.
I didn't know what to do at that point.
I mean, I don't know their relationship. What if they're real lovers? What if i'm testing chemistry that doesn't deserve to be doubted? I really didn't know.
At that point, I figured to not be so selfish. Knowing she was in a relationship with a decent person and being an outsider made me feel like letting go of it. I just wanted her to do her own thing. We continued to text most days and spoke about plenty of topics, just urgent to get to know each other. I wouldn't let myself flirt with her as I did before... Then, one day, it was just off.
She wasn't texting the same, she wasn't carrying herself the same. I didn't know what happened, but I definitely wanted to.
She ended up telling me that she was talking about breaking up with Giana. I didn't know what to say. It wasn't my place and I was most at a loss for words. The only way I thought of showing her I truly care was to give her the most unbiased opinion. I thought it could show her that I care more about her happiness than my selfishness. I didn't encourage her to make a decision, only to make the decision she felt was right for the both of them.
I told her to do what would be the best in the end.
Hours later, she cried her eyes out. I could tell she was struck with guilt, as it piled down her cheeks. She told me she couldn't recover her feelings with Giana and it was over, for the second time. You could see in her eyes how horrible she felt. It crawled under her skin. Just terrible. She truly cared about Giana.
All I wanted to do was comfort her without confusing her. Keep my distance but be her shoulder to cry on. It was difficult, but I tried.
