You tell me that you love me
But when I peek
I can see the crack in your mask
That shows the anger throbbing inside
And alas it used to surprise me,
But I am too numb
From all the life that you've taken away
My eyes are now empty
Soulless
Bare
People look at me and see nothing,
No hope, no love, no sympathy
Just despair
I wonder who did that to me
I still remember
When you would punch me with harshness
Scar me with the cruelness of your words
Burn me with the empty promises and lack of hope
I look in the mirror, and all I see are the holes around my body
My shell of a body
Cracks,
Holes,
Emptiness
I try to look inside of me to see if it is still there
The innocence,
The hope,
Love,
And the laughter
But all I see are fragments of memories, fluttering,
Slowly fading until they are no more
Like the ashes of a fire
A fire that once grew hot and alive,
But time made it dwindle
To meer ashes
So colorless compared to before
What a bore
That has been created inside me
I used to hold hope for you
As many around me would boast about the aura of love and happiness that hugged them every day
Following them like a limelight
While I am just left with a shadow
How disappointed could someone get at this point?
You always promise me so many good things
So many false validations that you would give me. . .
"The thump-thump of my heart cease to exists
When you would cease to give me a kiss."
Those promises slowly broke me
Until I was so scarred from the lost hope and love
That I stopped believing them
Now I just count the days
When this weight
Will be lifted off my shoulders,
When it stops getting colder,
When I can finally stop crying every night
Because of the lost little child
That is still inside
The child that yearns for the love that you've lacked to give
Still lacks the childhood memories
But trust me
I will forever be
Disappointed in you
Disappointed that you never loved me that way that you should
I know that it sounds selfish
But that child
The one inside of me
Still loves you
And I fight it every day
Fight it, because I don't want to lose you
I don't want to feel the disappointment, the regret
Of ever believing
You've changed.
