tracob oneshots (DISCONTINUED)

my forever

-by barelyrachaelll on ao3

tw: eating disorders

It's an annoyingly cold day in northern England when they first meet. Troye is thirteen and Jacob is still eleven. Troye's body is changing, but not like that ― he's not a fucking girl. It's just. His ass ― it's rather large. And his thighs ― they're there. And they're disgustingly wide. And his stomach has this gross little pouch that shows through all his shirts no matter how much he sucks in.

And above all else Troye is feeling ― this includes the crush he has on the tall boy in the year above him and the stress from his mother having recently divorced ― he feels fat. Troye feels like a fucking elephant and heavy and repulsive. And he just wants it to go away. He just wants to feel normal and okay again but that's hard with his annoying gut that just keeps becoming more visible.

And he hates it. Troye hates his body and the way he looks and he's beginning to just hate himself in general, if he's honest.

Jacob is young and only eleven and still blissfully ignorant. He bumps into Troye at school and barely mutters out an "oops" just as a "hi" falls from Troye's lips. Jacob smiles at Troye when he shrugs, then they're both on their separate ways. That's all there is to it, really, but for some reason, Troye finds himself wishing that his smile was still as genuine as the curly haired boy's was.

They don't acknowledge each other when they pass in the halls. They don't suddenly become best friends or anything. They don't even speak until almost two years later when Jacob's just turned thirteen and Troye's been fifteen for a couple months.

Sometime during the two years that they haven't spoken, Troye decided he really does hate the way he looks. He hates his stomach that's just gotten worse and his thighs that are still there and he hates everything about himself, except maybe his eyes since they seem to refelct what he pictures the ocean to look like. In order to deal with his weight issue, he's done everything he knows to. He spent months working out excessively trying to lose just a few pounds or at least make the fat less visible. When that didn't work, he combined it with eating "healthier" foods. That had done nothing but make him gain weight. Granted, it was muscle but it was still unwanted. About four months ago, he'd decided to start eating a little less.

It really had started out just like that ― eating a little less. Making small servings, occasionally skipping breakfast. No big deal, really, lots of people did that. Then he'd realized if he could skip breakfast, he could probably skip lunch, too. He could eat snacks, and it'd be the same, right? Yeah, so that's where he was now. Making sure he ate at least one meal a day and he had snacks throughout the day. Nothing had really changed that he had noticed, but he was refusing to go back to how he was. It had to change.

It's early February a couple years after they had first met when Jacob notices Troye in the lunch line, holding a water bottle in his hands. He still looks as great as he had remembered, except a little older. Jacob likes to pride himself on looking older, too. Sure, he's only been thirteen for a few days, but he's still a teenager. He's practically grown up.

"Hi, I'm Jacob," he tells Troye, deciding to be brave and stepping up next to him.

Troye turns, not expecting anyone to be speaking to him. Sure, he has a few friends that he's close with, but no one else really talks to him. He doesn't ever make any new friends. Troye doesn't mind; he figures it's because no one wants to be friends with such a fattie. He doesn't blame them: he wouldn't want to be friends with himself either. He doesn't even like being himself.

"Troye," he responds with a nod of his head. He hopes that will be the end of it, that the boy with curly hair and sparkling green eyes will leave him be.