Living In A Shell

CHAPTER 12: PAIN

 
                     ALEX POV

"Alex!" Patricia whispered weakly.

I stop on my track at the same time stop thinking nonsense when I heard her voice that filled with guilt and sadness. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She said again and again while shaking her head and start crying. She put her palm on her face to hide the tears rolling down her cheek. "I know how you hate this place but you also know how much I want to come back here…. You….. You know how guilty I am….. If…. If…. If only…. Oh my God…. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ..."

"Patricia! God Patricia. It's not your fault. No ones fault. Hey." All this time she'll blaming herself. My God if only I foresee this to happen I did not let her to go through this by herself and let alone suffer with guilt. If only I can wipe those tears on her face. "Look at me Pat." I said as I carry the laptop pulling closer to me. She wipes her tears using the back of his hand while trying to calm herself. "Listen to me okay." She nods her head yes while biting her bottom lip.

'Where should I start? ' I ask myself. I sighed heavily then place again the laptop on top of the table still holding it. "I don't know what's running on that little head of yours or where you're coming from or  your reason to hang up yourself having the idea that it's your fault…" I make a pause. Trying to understand every word that I just said. Is this really what I want to say? Can she stop blaming herself if I'm going to say the next word that I have in mind? I closed my eyes as I massage my temple then spill the next word.  "No ones fault. Especially not you." I clarify in a calm voice. I pulled over the chair and sat idly and tired. I rested my forehead on the table as my shoulders fell down my side. I'm not good at this. 'You have to be careful in every word you say Alex' my mind says. What should I do on you Patricia? I lazily rested my arm on the table then lifted my head to face the screen of Hanz laptop. Patricia looked tired and weak. I blew the strand of my hair hanging over my face then bite the inside of my cheek.

"That day…." I started as the old memories take me. I look away to hide the ash tears want to spill from my eyes. "We all know what Thea does that night. And how dangerous it was. If there's someone to blame here that should be me."

Yes. That should be me. The reason why I have all the rights to comfort her and to explain her everything. The reason why I don't want to see Marthiani again. But that fucking bitch always meddle my business. Talk about "privacy" which I assume that doesn't even exist in his dictionary. I look up at the screen just to see how mess Patricia was that made me more regret.

"If Thea saw you in that situation…" I said gesturing my hand in front of her. "....what do you think she would do? Do you think she'll be happy?" I ask and she shook her head no as a response and smile weakly. She reaches the tissue beside her then blew her nose.

"That was gross." I teased

"Sorry." She whispered back.

"Seriously Pat. I want to know the real reason what you're doing there? And who's your companion?" Her signature smirk playfully appears on her lips. "I know that look. I'm not interested I'm just asking." I started first before she could say something that I didn't want to hear then darted my gaze everywhere but not her.

I rested the left side of my face on my palm oblivious on what Patricia telling me about his brother that didn't even reach for my liking. Like seriously? I made faces and frowny deeper every time the word "you should meet him his really the boy version of yourself, and I think you two made for each other" come out on her baddass mouth every now and then. But after a while she's beginning to complain how jerk his brother is. (What do you expect? Rich kid is always be a jerk. 'Look who's talking' my brain interrupted. Tsk.) She's babbling how his brother can be a bitch sometimes. Just like bitching every girl at the university where they study. Give harsh comments like "Oh God. Do you even use a mirror? My sister is way better than your ass bitch" and take note: every girl who approach him will get a harsh words from him. Like seriously? Is he even know how to respect a girl? Tsk.