Fake Love

Chapter 26

Jimin's POV:

I'm going insane...

I'm turning absolutely batshit crazy!

Here I am, staring straight into thin air while that motherfucker is pouring his fucking life story out and I have the audacity to actually feel sorry for him?!?!

I'm understanding more and more why he became the man he is to day, why his expressions are always so cold and filled with hatred. The world hasn't done anything for him, hasn't helped him and in a weird and completely fucked up way, I find myself understanding him, pitying him,

I still keep my distance though. He's been lounging on the bed for the past hour or so, I think. I don't really understand the concept of time anymore. Everything here seems like it's lasting forever, never ending. All misery, revenge and hatred. He even had the courage to shed a tear earlier, but I don't know if I trust it. He doesn't seem like the man to cry, but then again I have a feeling that he would go to the extremes just to act on it.

That's what he does, manipulates and play the victim card. 

Well, bitch! Two can be a part of that game! 

I'm walking on the edge here, the very edge that will kill me if I take a step wrong, but maybe it might be worth it. He told me he was getting tired. Tired of living this type of life, tired of being on the wrong side of the law, tired of causing people misery.

Am I buying it? I don't know, something about him seems sincere but when I try to think about it, I always get this uncomfortable feeling growing inside me. He's wrong on so many levels. He has been nothing but horrible to me, he caused all of this!

He was the one that spotted me in the alleyway, he was the one that caught me the first time. I bet he was the one that knew where I lived. He watched and laughed as that fucker murdered my mom before he himself shot my friend. He denied me my final touch, my last possibility to be close to my mom, my last chance to tell her that I love her, that she needs to forgive me for my cowardness.

I quickly dry my tears before he looks at me, pretending to feel compassion. I huff, annoyed and angry. He threw me down that basement, he made me twist my ankle, he was the one who caused me my worst night ever. He knew when Jeon was there, he knew what RM had planned and he knew that that stupid police officer would bring me back. He waited and I can still see the sickening smile on his face as he watched me helplessly trying to get away.

And now, he has the fucking audacity to regret it, wanting to help me. Wanting for me to get away from here and escape. What kind of fucked up, twisted ass drug is he currently on?

I wanna strangle him! I wanna put a sock in his mouth and make him swallow it before I grab it and drag it back up together with the rest of his organs. I want to cause him all the pain he has caused me!

I find myself grinding my teeth, my hands forming fist and my blood boiling. Pearls of sweat appearing on my forehead in pure anger. I stand up, watching him make eye contact with me when a ping in my chest suddenly attacks me.

His eyes, they're sincere and real and filled with guilt. The emotions hitting me like a fucking train and I find myself clutching my chest as if my life depends on it. I crouch back down, finding it hard to breathe before I realize a panic attack is slowly approaching. So many things going on in my head, it's suffocating me. Torturing me before slowly killing me.

He's suddenly there. His reassuring hands grabbing mine in an effort to calm me down. Why is it working? I don't want it to work, not with him. I don't want to trust him. I don't want to show him how terrified I actually am, how much I need a little sense of comfort and safety around. I don't want him to give it to me. I don't want him to be the one that helps me through this.

He can't be!

Just as quickly as I let him grab my hands, I push him away, anger consuming me all over again. I won't let it happen; I can't let it happen. I refuse to show anymore weakness! 

In a futile attempt to get away from him, I rush towards the door, knowing very well that he isn't stupid enough to leave it open. I just needed that little bit of hope. That little sparkle telling me that it will be alright, that I will get away from here.

He's there in a flash though, catching me as I fall forwards, giving up. I cry my fucking eyes out, letting him comfort me as I slowly sink to the floor, him following. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to nor do I want him to. I just need to feel his presence, knowing that his there. 

It's helping!

What's happening to me?

What's going wrong?

Why am I suddenly deciding that this is ok? That he's speaking the truth, that he will actually help me. What is this warm feeling creeping up on me?

 Affection, trust?

I'm confusing myself now, my emotions causing a ray of questions and dilemmas to appear in my head, causing me pain. It is all too much for me. I just want to disappear; I want the floor to devour me whole so I can slip back into the darkness I'm so desperately craving.

He doesn't let me though. He refuses to let me go and instead lifts me up and carries me over to the bed. We dip down, him leaning against the headboard and I resting my head against his chest for no fucking logical reason at all. It just feels right. This man, this person who has caused me so much pain within such a short amount of time, is proving to be my savior. 

I give up, I want to trust him, I want him to help me. I want him to take me away from here!

I yawn, my emotions being flushed away by exhaustion. I'm so tired. Tired of everything. Tired of being scared, tired of trying to be brave, tired of trying in general. 

I'm forfeiting,

I don't want to do this anymore and at this point I don't even care. If this is my only chance then I decide to take it. It might and most likely will be the death of me, but right now that doesn't sound so bad.

Death would be a blessing right now. It would take me away. Give me peace, let me see my mom again,

Anything to escape the reality that is currently trying to kill me. Anything for that escape. I'm willing to risk it all, even my own life.