Left Handed

14

8:01p There is no party. Nobody is here. The Blue Drop is devoid of people except for me, Tracy Ortega, my left hand, Bo, and the personnel of the yacht.

8:05p I decide to get this party started on my own. I open a bottle of beer and slow dance to Foster the People. The ancient Spanish proverb of Putas, Drogas y Barcas is severely letting me down.

8:17p I am at a low point in my life. I have embarked on a Shrek soundtrack loop.

8:20p I realize that I haven't given a time to Jorge or Steffi. I feel stupid.

8:32p A lone figure approaches the boat across the quay. I wave. It turns out to be a security guard. I invite her up. She declines. I open my second beer.

8:48p A group of about twenty kids show up. Praise... well, praise someone, that's for certain. I see Steffi. She's leading by laughter. Everyone seems to follow her voice.

I wave frantically. Steffi waves back and two dozen kids cheer. They board the Blue Oasis.

I scan the crowd for Jorge but I don't see him. I grab Steffi.

"Where's your brother?" I ask.

"He's not coming, she replies. She looks at my face, laughed and says, "Just kidding. Should have seen your face. He should be here any minute."

Leaning against the rail, I wait.

Someone turns up the music. Release the Sound's Attached to String. That's how I feel with my dad. He provided all the love in my life and now that he's gone, these strings are cut and I don't think I can love again. Sure, infatuation. That's easy. But I yearn for real love, a proper relationship with someone who feels for me what I feel for them.

The music switches to another song. Someone steps up to the railing.

"May I have this dance?" he asks. I spin around. It's Jorge. My heart beats faster and I feel my face warm.

God, infatuation feels good, though.

"How did you get on board? I didn't see you," I exclaim.

"I'll tell you, maybe. But first, let's dance." He laughs and his eyes twinkle.

I give a sign to Natasha and she casts off.

I take Jorge by the hand and lead him to the dance floor. It's some Spanish pop song and we just let loose.

9:33p Jorge and I have been dancing for half an hour. I've had another beer. I can feel the alcohol now. I'm having so much fun. More fun than I've had in a long time.

I can feel the warmth of Jorge's body, his powerful movements, his energy. He's a great dancer.

He does something with his hands. He touches me, but not in a sexually aggressive way. A light tap on the shoulder. A tugging of hair behind my ear. A brushing of body against body.

I want him and more importantly, I feel I can have him. Anxiety hits me like a bullet to the stomach. I can almost feel the impact and my mind hamster-wheels out of control.

What if I lean in for a kiss and Jorge pushes me away? What if he's been playing me? I need to get out of the dance mob.

10:01p Steffi challenges me to a shots competition. I accept.

10:10p I don't know if I can do this. Steffi doesn't seem affected at all.

10:23p I'm doing great. I am the queen of the seas and the conquerer of men.

10:32p How did I end up here? I'm in the bathroom of the Blue Something. There's vomit on all the walls and the floor. There's very little vomit in the toilet itself.

I feel queasy but a little better. I stagger out to survey the damage. There's little dancing going on now. Most people are passed out or kissing or doing weed.

I find Jorge with his sister. She's leaning over a shot glass, hands holding on for dear life. I prise her hands off and push the alcohol away. Then I grab Jorge by the hand and pull him after me.

On the way to my master bedroom I signal Natasha to take us home. She looks relieved.

In the bedroom I push Jorge onto the sheets.

"Are you ready for a good time, big boy?" I slur and immediately regret it. I sound like a 80s soft porn.

Jorge laughs. "You are drunk, Tracy. Let's get you to sleep," he says.

I pull up my top but it gets tangled in my hair. I stagger around the room and finally lose my balance.

Two strong hands grab me by the waist and steady me.

Now is the time. Have I mentioned that I'm an absolute virgin? I don't necessarily feel like my first time has to be special. But it's the same as anything else. You don't want to be drunk shitless when doing something for the first time. Except drinking, maybe.

Now I'm in it though and I'll be damned if I stop him.

His hands move up my side. I'm so excited, I tremble a little. He tugs on my shirt and manages to untangle it. Then he pulls it down. Yes, you heard that right: down. Not off.

Shit.

He guides me to the bed and lifts me up. Then he lays me down. I am completely helpless.

When I think I can't get any more mortified, he motherfucking tucks me in. I turn away from him and hear him leave.

11:00p I don't think the host is supposed to go to sleep before midnight at their own party. I figure out an elaborate plan to get back up and attack the party.

I move my arm to take off the cover.

11:25a I wake up with the mother of all hangovers.